Seeing life for what it really is

It’s been a hard few days with Audrey.  Ever since the shots her emotions have been extreme- screaming happiness, inconsolable sadness, and fiery anger.  She's reminding me of Jack Jack from the Incredibles.  There have been a few very hard nights.  I’ve been burning out, becoming more impatient with her little by little.  Just so tired.  Not connecting with her or with Christmas very well because of feeling stressed and tired.  I really hate when I don’t feel connected to her.  If ever I feel at all emotionally distant from her, in frustration or when distracted by other things, I hate myself and I hate life. 

But a tender mercy has come again, this time in the form of a movie.  It’s A Wonderful Life.  Just watched the last 20 minutes or so and I feel better.  I had a good cry at the end when George sees his life for what it really is, and I thought about my own life and how good it is.  I say this a lot on the blog lately, how great life is, but its not because I always feel this way.  Sometimes I really get so down, so discouraged, so frustrated with life.  But I want to see my life for what it really is.  I want to remember how good I’ve got it.  I’ve had a good life.  Good family, good friends, good learning experiences.  Towards the end of the movie George wants to see Mary most of all and then when he finds her and she doesn’t know him that’s when he realizes how badly he wants his life back.  He says, “Get me back Clarence.  Get me back to my wife and kids.  I want to live again.  I want to live again."  It would hurt so much to one day see Andrew and have him not know me.  Or to wake up one morning and not have Audrey at all.  I love them and my whole family so much and I rely on their love for me.  It’s only when I don’t have love and faith in my life that things really are dismal.  These are things that I live for and my life is good even when I have to have hard moments.  George Bailey learned to love everything about his life, even the drafty house and that "wonderful old Building and Loan."  God has it all figured out, the things that we need to grow and will make us happiest in the long run.

I wanted to put this on here for future Hillary to read someday when she’s discouraged again.