Last night Andrew finally officially felt her!  I don’t know if we can call it kicking even, but he felt her.  And he had a way of finding right where she was when she would move.  He knew right where her head was, he could feel it.  I don’t even know for sure where any part of her is, but he does.  It seems like he has an instinct for knowing where she is.  Hopefully that continues throughout life.  It was amazing and one of the best parts of this whole experience so far.  Ill never forget him feeling her for the first time, both our faces just suddenly wide eyed and gasping a huge smile at each other.  Staring into each other’s eyes with his hand on my stomach both of us so excited by every tiny flinch.  We could easily pass an hour like that.  We would start to talk a little bit once she had stopped but in an instant were silent and wide eyed again.  Every few minutes.  We’re both just so enthralled with this little person.  The simplest thing she does…I guess it will be this way for a long time!  With every tiny milestone she reaches…we will freak right out!

It was an interesting little thing to experience to be looking into each other’s eyes but all our attention was not on each other at all.  It was on her.  Again, how I assume it will be for a long time.  I’ve been very nervous about that part of having a baby…feeling our relationship with each other change and shift to our relationship focusing all on the baby.  So many people have talked about that and how hard it is.  So I’ve been mourning the loss of time together, mourning what I thought of as the loss of the just Hillary and Andrew relationship.  But laying there yesterday and experiencing the beginning of that very thing…I didn’t feel like mourning at all.  We both felt like celebrating!  Because we are together and a baby is coming to be with us, and even though most of our attention was not on each other, our love for each other grew!  It’s the amazing-est thing.  I can’t wait to see him with her!  He's going to be the best Dad ever!!

Oh what in the world is she going to look like?!  Blue eyes with brown hair???  Brown eyes with red hair???  Green eyes with blonde hair???  The possibilities really are endless with the Hanaike/Dobbins gene pools combined.

Here is her current wardrobe (I feel kinda silly...but this is MY blog and I do what I want!!!  I was like a kid on Christmas morning when I was taking these pictures):  

Almost all the clothes we have for her make it look like we're having a boy

With each new addition to her wardrobe I get a new addition of excitement!

Journal Entry from 1/7/13

Spending time just now on skype with Addy and Julia made me so happy and excited for this baby.  I’ve been excited but not in the same way as before the miscarriage.  I've been more cautious about my feelings.  But seeing that little Adelaide smiling so big at Julia and seeing Julia just relishing each turning corner of her little baby mouth was priceless and I just couldn’t help getting so happy and excited to have mine!!!  I skype with them everyday, but this time for some reason my heart started a-fluttering for my own little baby girl.  The perfect little lips and soft cheeks that I will kiss kiss kiss all day long.  Im so happy right now.

This song from the Disney movie The Rescuers says what I feel right now as I wait for her.  




I want her to know that someone's waiting for her.  A lot of someones.  We're all waiting for her here, to love her and to have her with us.  This song also gives me personal comfort through this ordeal.  Because as I wake up sick, as I look at our messy house, and as I have all these overwhelming responsibilities and worries and emotions--- I know that there is someone waiting for me at the other end of all of it.  So, I think the parts in this lovely song that say "be brave" are really more for me right now than for her.  Because when I get discouraged I have to just keep going and think about the girl who is waiting to love me as much as I am waiting to love her.  

This picture just shows our early love at it’s best.  We’ve been through some hard things together now and I think our smiles are a little more grown up, but we will always be those people from before.  I love this picture now, it’s one of my favorites.  We were sooooo happy to have each other and now we are sooo happy to have each other still and to have a manifestation of our love coming soon for us to hold and cuddle and love forever more.

Baby Dobbins is coming!  And so far she has been coming on strong.  For the brief time this baby has been on earth (inside my stomach, of course) she has definitely made her presence know to us…through lots and lots of lovely morning sickness.  The kind that doesn’t stop after the morning.  I’ve still been working and Andrew has still been working and going to school, and we are both still RA’s every other week.  Which means we have had to let a few things go a little bit.  Housework has been one of those things that has dropped down low on the priority list.  But we are getting by and making it all work.

BUT.  We are happy.  We are both working hard for our future in many ways.  We are working hard to earn money.  Andrew is working hard to do well in school to secure a good future for our little family.  And we are both working hard to spend lots of much needed time together before our life changes forever more. 

Everyday I am happy about it.  But some days I’m also scared.  Scared of everything that comes with a baby.  Sometimes when we’re sitting here in the living room together I look and Andrew and say “I’m gonna miss you.”  And he says, "But I'm gonna be right here!"  I’ve heard so much about how a baby changes the marriage relationship more than almost anything.  

But I think we'll be okay.  No, I KNOW we'll be just fine.  More than fine, we'll be wonderfully happy!!