I like her style and I like that she has a lisp.

I usually have role models from movies and TV shows...even books. I've been noticing REAL people here that I want to be like.
Lacey is my good friend. Were about the same size, same sense of humor. The only difference between us is that she's blonde and she is one of the most confident people I've ever known. She makes me feel better about myself. I want her confidence and her not-caring-what-people-think-ness.
We've only known each other for about 2 years now, but we already have SSSOOOO many good memories!

Having this permanent group of friends that share my standards is still a new thing to me. I never hung out outside of school with too many of my high school friends, cause their "hanging out" meant very different things than mine. So, here, we find ways to have so much more fun than if we weren't sober! Sometimes it feels like little kid stuff...but just the fact that we're all always doing it together makes it the most hilarious and funnest stuff in the world! We always do henna tatoos and make a ton of food for our "family dinners." We play board games and twister and watch movies all day. We go hot tubbing and shopping and tree climbing. Play hide and seek at grocery stores. And have a big dance party every night! This last weekend when everyone came into town we stayed up till all hours of the night tracing our silhouettes on butcher paper and taping them to the wall. I never thought this would be college life. Never thought it would be this good!

There was an ugly sweater dance at our school this weekend. We decided to make the UGLIEST SWEATERS of all. Out of paper and duct tape. Granted they weren't really sweaters...we looked more like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. But I think we definitely had the ugliest sweaters of all. These are the kinds of things I could never ever do by myself...but with a group it's the best thing in the world!




The worst part was that each one took us about an hour to make, and then they were ripped to shreds in 5 minutes. Except that, of course, Steven and I got stuck in ours for a good amount of time. Jan and Ellen were throwing us around the dance floor trying to get this tiny circle of duct tape cut from around my waist. I'm pretty sure I have a bruise on my ribs from it. Eventually they were able to get it off with their teeth. The picture doesn't do it justice. We were STUCK.


Of course Lacey the A's fan told me I had the ugliest sweater of all. Shouldn't have worn the Giants sweatershirt underneath. Dang it!

Home home home.

Anger helps me make decisions and stick with them. My problem is that my anger fades and then I don't have enough conviction to follow through. There's a new years resolution for me to write down. Not to stay angry longer, but to work on my follow through skills. I'm too passive and I don't care about things enough. That's both good and bad, because I'm able to stay happy by moving on from stupid things. But when people begin to count on the fact that I'll get over it...that's where I feel taken advantage of.

You know what I've learned from this though? First of all, college friends are not forever. And second of all, it's time for me to take matters into my own hands. I need to do things on my own. For example, this roommate has us pay rent to her and then she writes a check to the building people. I've decided that I want to pay it myself and not do it through her anymore. I need to stop depending on people too heavily, even when they offer easy ways out. How do you know who to trust???

"Don't be happy," he said, "Be content."
Because happiness is fleeting.

I feel like I never have anything to write about. I'm a little scatterbrained. Well, this is my last week at home. I hope to fill it with good, fun things. I'm also ready to go back to school, back to having more of a purpose. There's only so much relaxing you can do in your life, and I think I've hit my limit for this month. I've made my New's Resolutions mostly about school work and better studying habits. Hopefully I can keep them up and do a lot less socializing with less good people. I think a lot of people think I'm self righteous...which is weird because everyone there is Mormon and should pretty have about the same standards as me right? Oh well. I guess we'll see what happens this semester.

I have really good friends wherever I go. Home and school. The time has come for me to make bigger decisions about my future, so hopefully I will be steered in the right direction!