this beautiful life

Thursday, October 31, 2013

More tender mercies

Side By Side October 31, 2013 tender mercies , 1 Comments

(SEE PREVIOUS POST)

As mentioned before, dishes have lately been a source of discouragement for me. My greatest desire right now is to take care of my family and to me that also means taking care of our home. My first priority is Audrey, always and completely. But because of how often she has been needing to be held or needing to eat lately (I think she might be going through a growth spurt), the dishes were getting overwhelming this week. I prayed that I would somehow be able to find time and energy to do them. And of course you know what happened. I was able to get all but a few of them done. I was able to do them in two parts: one when she slept and the other when she played with her mobile for an abnormally long amount of time without getting bored. It’s so amazing to me that God takes the time to bless me with things like this that seem insignificant and NOT life changing. He cares about my happiness from day to day, and today my happiness may have depended on getting those dishes done. I’ve had a really wonderful day and I know that Heavenly Father made it so.

I had a sweet moment with Audrey today while we were reading some of her books. She was so smiley and so cuddly, I could hardly keep from squeezing her tighter than I should. (Don’t worry, I didn’t! I did, however, smother her with kisses, which she smiled at even more!) I incorporate a new book or two into our reading time every few weeks and today I read to her “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You,” a book my mom gave me a few years ago. As I read she sat contentedly in my lap looking at the pictures and listening to my voice. The words of the book seem to come exactly from my own heart and I got a little teary as I read them to her. At the same time she smiled. BIG. And it was quite a moment for me. I have no idea if she could sense the emotion coming from me, but she seemed to snuggle in a little more. And my heart filled up and overflowed with love for my life. And I know that that moment came directly from my Father in Heaven.

There is so much happiness to be had in life!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Tender mercies and small miracles

Side By Side October 31, 2013 tender mercies , 0 Comments

Recently my good friend Lindsay started a blog where she’s made a goal to document the tender mercies of the Lord in her life that otherwise might go unnoticed. Since reading her description of how Heavenly Father has blessed her little family in seemingly small ways, I’ve started to notice the subtlety of God’s hand in my life as well. I’ve always known it was there- I can think of many times where Heavenly Father has specifically taken me by the hand and helped me through something. But most of those times were big and noticeable- a pivotal point in life or a big decision. What Lindsay has reminded me is that there are more than just a few times God is in my life. He really is in the details, as well as the big important moments. The small ways He blesses me can be just as profound, just as life changing as the big ones. Especially if I take the time to notice them. So along with Lindsay, I’d like to make this goal to document those moments that I’ve seen God’s hand in my life and the lives of my loved ones.

In the middle of the night one night a little while ago, I happened to be lying awake in bed when Audrey started throwing up. I had fed her about 20 minutes earlier and for some reason I had been unable to go back to sleep. If I hadn’t been awake I might not have heard her the very quiet choking sounds she was making and it’s possible that scarier things could’ve happened if I hadn’t hurried and picked her up when I did. It was a scary moment. I am so thankful and amazed that I was awake. I was completely exhausted and it really didn’t make sense that I didn’t fall back asleep immediately. But then again, it does make sense because we know that Heavenly Father always takes care of us.

Yesterday I was having a down day. Frustrated by dishes and lack of sleep I said a prayer saying to Heavenly Father, “If only Andrew could be home a little more, then I could get things done and feel better with him here.” A little while after that prayer, who should come through the door but Andrew, 3 hours earlier than he had expected to be home. He came home right when I needed him. And the reason he came home was because he needed me too. He had been having a bad day as well and decided to come home to do homework instead of stay at the school. It was such a specific answer to my prayer I could hardly believe it. The rest of the night went well. Not much got better really, but the fact that we were together for longer than usual in the evening made such a difference to both of us and made it so we could keep going the next day.

I’m so grateful for these seemingly small blessings. They make all the difference in my life. I hope I can keep up this habit of noticing his hand in my life.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

big sleepy smiles

Side By Side October 29, 2013 Baby Girl #1 , 0 Comments

We've been lucky to catch a few smiles from Audrey on camera but we've never been able to get any of the really big ones. Then the other day we were playing around with the camera while she was sleeping and to our complete surprise caught this big smile:

We didn't even know until we turned the camera around and looked at it! We had no idea she had smiled an we were quite shocked when we saw it, we were cracking up. And she just stayed completely asleep. It's not the best picture of me, but I will sacrifice my vanity for this cuteness. This girl is just the best :)

Monday, October 28, 2013

Two for the Road

Side By Side October 28, 2013 Movies , 0 Comments

Have you ever found a movie you've been anticipating for awhile and then felt disappointed by it when you finally saw it? It's pretty big bummer. On that note, I have a movie review for you. Oh and yes with some spoilers.
I have a hope to see all of Audrey Hepburn's movies throughout my life and recently I saw one of the ones I've been excited for. So far none of her movies have disappointed me. Sabrina and War and Peace are probably my least favorites but I still consider them pretty good movies. I happened upon this new one at the library the other day and I put it on right when I got home. It's called 'Two for the Road' and it's starring her and Albert Finney. I had read all about it in one of my Audrey books and thought I knew the basic plot, which was why I was so excited to see it. It is a story about a couple needing a reminder about why they were in love after many years of marriage. The reminder came from reminiscing about the many times throughout their marriage that they had taken road trips through Europe. Sounded like a happy love story to me.
I remember the specific scene where the disappointment began. It was an affair and all my hopes for the movie came crashing down. There had already been a surprising number of slightly subtle sex scenes between them as a couple that I had gotten through, but the affair was just SO frustrating. Then their preceded to be another affair and I had pretty much thrown in the towel. It ended very unsatisfyingly in my book. Do you ever just want to re-write a story the way you think it should've gone? I sure did. There were so many parts that I could relate to in my own marriage, good and bad. But there were so many parts of their marriage that I could definitely not relate to and hope I never will. I was so bummed out by it, especially because of how much I thought I would enjoy it. It could've been such a good movie. And then, because I like Audrey Hepburn so much, I tried watching it again. I really wanted to like it.
I guess what I should've asked at the beginning of this post is- Have you ever hated a movie the first time you saw it and then found that you quite enjoyed it the second time around? Because that's what this movie was for me. A nice surprise- once I really knew what I was getting into. Skipping the affairs made the movie a lot better in my opinion. It is still not one of my absolute favorites, but this second time I was able to know what was coming and that made all the difference. The first time my hopes for the movie were too high, the second time too low. So, though I still can't say that I loved it, I can say that I can understand and appreciate the story now.

Anyways, that's my two cents about this movie. Worth watching twice.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Almost 3 months!

Side By Side October 23, 2013 Baby Girl #1 , 1 Comments

Here are some of the things I want to remember about two month old Audrey:

She loves kisses! She opens her mouth as big as she can when I come in for a kiss, the corners of her mouth turned up, her eyes smiling, breathing as fast as she can. Attacking her with kisses is one of the highlights of my day.

She will not take a pacifier, but she sucks on her knuckle constantly. Her sleeves are always soaking wet. There's only been one or two times she's taken a pacifier.

She LOVES her mobile from Grandma Hanaike and I love it too because it allows me to get more done during the day. Unless she's hungry or really tired and wants to be held, her favorite place to be is in her crib looking at and talking to the mobile. She especially loves the light on the side and stares at it all the time. Whenever I put her under it she gets excited like they are her best friends. This thing is magic- for both of us!

Most of the time Audrey still needs to be held to go to sleep. But I don't mind at all. These days I'm able to tell when she is ready to go to sleep and so if I pick her up at the right time she'll snuggle right in. Lately we've been using the rocking chair in her room (which she didn't used to like) and it seems like the creaking of it helps her go to sleep. I tell ya, it's like out of a storybook. Me sitting there with her in my arms wrapped in a little blanket, her eyelids slowly drooping open and closed as I sing Disney songs to her. I swear I did this exact thing with my dolls when I was younger just picturing the day when it would be real.

Singing her to sleep has become one of the greatest joys of my life. She's come to expect it and be soothed by it. Mostly it's been Disney songs with a few other lullabies and Primary songs thrown in. Some of our favorites are:

I Am a Child of God
A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes
Part of Your World
I See the Light
Goodnight My Angel
Isle of Innisfree
You Were Meant for Me

She gets very excited when Daddy comes home. I'm usually holding her when Andrew walks in the door and as soon as she realizes he's there her little legs go crazy, up and down, up and down! She almost hyperventilates from excitement. He takes her and they play and play and play.

Diaper changes are probably her happiest times of the day, believe it or not. She smiles huge open mouth smiles and coos and squeals with delight almost as soon as we put her on the changing table. I think she likes it so much because she thinks it's more play time. We kiss her all over, talk to her, and sing to her. This is when those non-lullaby Disney songs and others come out and I basically put on a show for her. I dance around and do hand motions and she just cracks up. I really hope that none of our neighbors ever see or hear me...but it's tight quarters here, so they probably do. Oh well. The things we do for our children.
Some of our favorites in this genre are:
Zero to Hero
Friend Like Me
Dig a Little Deeper
When Will My Life Begin
Baby Love

How Does She Know
Just the Way You Are

She loves books! This just makes me sooo happy. Every morning after we get dressed we sit on the bed and read board books. This is another time when she coos and smiles a bunch. She seems to especially like the picture of the puppy in one of the books. I don't know if it's just coincidence that she happens to squeal especially loud and long at that page, but she also leans forward and falls over trying to get closer to it! It's so cute. SO CUTE! Why is everything SO much cuter when it's your own child???
She hasn't quite grasped the concept of the bedtime story being part of going to BED, but she loves that as well. We always read the same story every night, called "You are My 'I Love You'." Sometimes she cuddles in for it, sometimes she's wide awake, but either way it's a happy moment for Andrew and I to be sitting with the three of us together reading.

She used to always like to be upright, even when falling asleep, but lately she has been a fan of the cradling kind of carry when she's ready to snooze.

We try to go for a walk everyday, whether it's in the stroller or just me carrying her around. She is fascinated by the colors everywhere and sometimes as she stares up at the sky in amazement I stop the stroller and put my face next to hers to see what she is seeing. It makes me appreciate the beauty of nature and how amazing it all really is.

She doesn't mind tummy time very much at all, unless we let it go for too long.

She is such a happy baby. She's fidgety and playful and often unsatisfied to be in one place for too long. She is the joy of our lives. She has opened up our hearts so much and she makes every day happy.

Lately, my friends and family who are pregnant or just had their babies have been on my mind. I love you all so much and I'm so excited for the amazing journey that is beginning for you!! This is where happiness lies, I promise. Maybe not in parenthood exactly for those who struggle with such things, but in living the family life. Marriage, a home, people to love who love you right back...it's worth every sacrifice in the world.

Congratulations to my good friend Jessie Calvillo and her new baby girl June Ricci!! We love you! Can't wait for our girls to meet someday!!!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The things of my heart

Side By Side October 17, 2013 Journal Moments , 0 Comments

I’ve gone through many ups and downs with this motherhood thing and I’ve learned a lot. One of the things I’ve learned is that I want my kids to know how I’ve been able to get through these, and many other, hard times. I want them to know the things of my heart. Anyone who knows me hopefully knows that I’m a very religious Mormon and that I happily live that lifestyle. We believe in God, that he is our Heavenly Father and that he sent his son to be our Savior. We believe in and love Jesus Christ who suffered and died for our sins. We believe in God’s power to bless us and we believe that there is a plan for each person here on earth. And we believe that we can live with Heavenly Father again someday and be with our families for eternity. There are many other things we believe in the Mormon, or more officially LDS, church but these beliefs specifically are some of the things that get me through hard times.

I’ve had personal experiences with trials as well as with happiness. I believe that Heavenly Father is orchestrating my life to be the happiest it can be and I believe that trials are a part of this. Without them, the happy times wouldn’t be as precious to me, and my relationships with the people I love wouldn’t be as deep and profound. Andrew and I become so much closer with every trial we go through together. I love Audrey more everyday as I struggle to care for her.

Most importantly, my relationship with Jesus Christ wouldn’t be as deep and profound. The trials I’ve faced have caused me to turn to him, to rely on and believe deeply in his love for me. In church I’ve been taught about his Atonement and how much love it required him to have. He suffered the sins of the world, he felt all the anguish, fear, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, hopelessness, and abandonment that everyone has ever felt. After doing that he sacrificed his life by dying on the cross. He fulfilled the requirements of both justice and mercy. Justice because our sins had to be paid for somehow. And mercy because he did it so we wouldn’t have to pay the full price. There is no love greater than that.

Perhaps the most profound part of all of this to me is how personal his sacrifice was to everyone on earth. I’ve been taught in church that if I was the only person in the world he still would’ve done it, he still would’ve suffered the Atonement. He would have died just for me. Knowing that makes me feel such emotion and such a personal relationship with him. With all the mistakes I make and all the ways I come up short, it’s amazing to me that I could ever be so loved. And amazing that he would've done it for any one of us because he loves us all that much.

The way that this knowledge gets me through my hard times is because I know that there is someone who truly knows everything I feel. I can try to describe it to someone else. Someone else can even be going through the very same thing I am. But no one can ever truly know how each person feels. No one but him. And I know that he can make it better if I believe in and trust him.

I believe that everything will always work out, but not just by coincidence. I believe that God helps me fix my mistakes if I’m willing to and that he helps me get out of hard situations. Or if I must go all the way through them I believe he holds my hand as I struggle and that in the end it’ll be for my good. He sends a comforter, his Spirit to help me through and it softens every blow life can throw at me. And I believe that I come out of each struggle stronger and a better person than before.

It’s my testimony, to whoever is reading this right now, that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love you with an infinite love and they want to bless you. I want my friends and family to know that I know this. And I especially want my Audrey to know that. I want her to always know how much she is worth to us and to Heavenly Father and Jesus. I want her to know that she is a daughter of God and that he loves her. I want her to know that even though she can’t see him, he is always there. I want her to know that she can always talk to him, tell him her desires, her happy times, her struggles, her fears, and all her deepest feelings.

It's crazy to think that anyone could love this girl more than I do. But I know that he does. She is his daughter and he takes care of our little family.

I want my friends and family who are not a part of the church to know these things. Please don’t hesitate to ask me anything about Mormonism or about this testimony I’ve shared. If you’d like to know more yourself here are some sites that accurately explain what Mormons believe:

lds.org

mormon.org

There are other sites and media out there that spin the truth about Mormonism. Just know that after being Mormon my whole life I can promise you that these are the sites that tell the truth about our beliefs and lifestyle.

This testimony is a piece of my heart, an enormous part of who I am and why. I'm grateful for everything the Lord has blessed me with. Thanks for reading :)

These are both Easter videos called Mormon Messages, but they are true any time of the year. They help to express the things I've just shared.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Daddy's Girl(s)

Side By Side October 15, 2013 Baby Girl #1 , Life in Provo 0 Comments

Andrew has been working so hard this semester juggling school and work and being there for me and Audrey. But even with all that’s going on for him right now, I always know that we are first priority. And I think Audrey knows that too. And we sure love him for it. The other day while he was playing with her, she stopped mid-giggle and just stared at him with the most loving gaze I have ever ever seen.

She adores him and I do too.