I'm flying without wings and in the depths of despair. At the same time.

My baby is already growing up too fast!  Last night she put herself to sleep without being held.  It was wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

She's starting to smile deliberately in response to our smiles or us doing something silly and it absolutely melts my heart.  No matter how tired I am or how long she's been screaming...when she flashes that little double chin smile, my heart turns to mush and everything is forgotten.

I do love this new phase.  But I am also sad!  I'm seriously already getting devastated for the day when she goes off to college.  And all the things in between?  Kindergarten?  No way!  I just can't handle it!  I'm not ready for her to grow up.  I'm not ready for the next phase!

But then again...I'm loving the smiles.  And they only came with the next phase.  Dang it.