this beautiful life

Saturday, May 30, 2015

5 Passions

Side By Side May 30, 2015 30 things , books 0 Comments

5 passions for my list of 30 things my kids should know about me.

1. One of my favorite things of all time are my journals. I don’t know if I’d say I have a passion for writing necessarily but I’ve realized that I do have a passion for writing in a journal to myself. I really enjoy looking back and learning from my own life put in my own words. I feel like it’s my safe place. My journals contain cherished memories that definitely would have been lost if I hadn’t written them down. Memories about middle school and high school friends, memories from mine and Andrew’s dating years and early marriage years, memories from those first few emotion-filled months of Audrey’s life and my journey into motherhood. Times of struggle and pain along with times of such happiness that it took five pages to describe. It’s all priceless and I feel like it’s such a treasure to have. Andrew has also kept journals every now and then throughout life and I love reading them now. When posed with the ‘what would you grab in an emergency’ type of question, whether a flood or a fire or whatever, after grabbing my kids and my husband I always say I would grab our mission letters and our journals. They really are my most prized possessions. And I’m determined to reawaken this passion when it occasionally starts to fade. Sometimes when I realize I haven’t written in like three months I get a little panicky about what things I’ve missed, what memories I’ve now lost because I didn’t record them. Life is only going to get busier, I know, but this is one of my most important goals for the rest of my life. Reading family history stories have fueled this desire in me as well. I think most people want someone to read their story. I don’t want to miss anything and I don’t want to forget.

2. Nature. I was blessed to grow up extremely close to the ocean- an amazing view from our living room window and at least three beaches within walking distance. I love and adore the beautiful pink and orange sunsets, the cool air, the fog, the cliffs overlooking the sea. Then living in Utah I came to know the beauty of mountains and the big blue sky, groves of trees and little streams. The peacefulness of sitting alone among flowers and trees just thinking, writing, or drawing. I have been sorely missing peaceful time outside in cool air. I realize the things I’m passionate about more when I’ve been without them. I miss long walks outside. I hope to make my kids into nature lovers along with me. I hope someday soon when Hannah’s a little older we will spend long periods of time outside everyday.

a block from my childhood home

3. Home and family/children. I’m not a very opinionated person, but this is one thing I do feel strongly about. I think I feel strongly for two reasons- first because I grew up with a loving family, children around, and a pretty traditional home and have had a very happy life, so much so that I’m working hard to have us live our life the same way. And second because I’ve learned so much in my major (Family Studies) statistically about the effects of families structures on society and how the last few decades have suffered as family values have disintegrated. I could go into all of this another time, but for now I just want to make sure my kids know that I’m passionate about it. I believe whole-heartedly in all the cliché sayings about families- the phrase “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” and others like it are very true. I’m currently obsessed with trying to make our little apartment a home, sincerely thinking about every decoration, every habit, every word we say and how it will affect our kids personalities and memories about their home as they grow up. I truly, 100%, believe that marriage, parenthood, and happy home life are the absolute most important and most influential things in the world. So I feel very good about the job I’ve chosen as a full-time mom.

4. Good entertainment. Movies, musicals, tv shows, plays, books, music, artwork. I didn’t even realize that this is something I’m passionate about until recently. I thought that it seemed kind of frivolous to be super passionate about, (specifically the ones that have to do with a screen) if it’s not your career, but recently I’ve just had to admit to myself that movie and tv watching is a hobby of mine and accept it. Since elementary and middle school when I first started watching Anne of Green Gables for comfort, I’ve used movies and shows as companions. I have a specific taste for inspiring feel-good movies, even sad ones. I also for some reason love movie musicals…like LOVE THEM. A good triumphant song can fill me up and make me tear up so fast. I just get so inspired by the movies and shows I get into. I also have a passion for theater. There is something so amazing about seeing a story told on stage and hearing big crescendos in person and not on a cd. I love historical fiction in movies, shows, or books. I love reading because I enjoy imagining each person and place, creating my own world in my head from what I read. Art is a passion for me because it is like the ultimate eye candy! It satisfies my eyes, makes me think, and makes me feel good. Good entertainment sometimes even strengthens my testimony, even if it’s not about anything gospel related. There’s so much good stuff out there.

5. My relationship with God and Jesus Christ. How can I express things that can’t be put into words? I feel their love and care for me. I’m passionate about that feeling. And I’m passionate about the eternal perspective religion offers me. I’m grateful that I can pray and talk to Heavenly Father about my deepest thoughts and feelings and feel heard and completely understood. I’m grateful for Jesus’ Atonement and the knowledge that He’s felt everything I have. I can think of Him and feel better, feel His hand in mine helping me move along during the struggles. I am passionate about the peace I feel about everything in life when I’m actively pursuing my relationships with them.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Our Hannah

Side By Side May 04, 2015 Baby #2 , Life in Provo 0 Comments

Where to begin? This girl has brought such happiness to our lives I just don't even know where to start. She is such a sweet little newborn, so cuddly and loving. And growing up WAY TOO FAST. She already has a personality all her own, so different from her sister's. Let me start with her name.

Hannah's Name

We don't take the naming of our kids lightly, I don't think any parent does. We always take so long talking about it because we want each name to be significant. I love the name we chose. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved the name Hannah. I love the story of Hannah from the Bible, her trust on God and her righteous desires. But honestly that significance came later. I think the first baby I ever was old enough to notice and love and pay attention to (other than my siblings) was named Hannah and ever since then I have always thought it was the most beautiful name in the world and I knew I had to have a Hannah of my own someday. Two of my sisters even said "Yeah, I always thought you'd have a Hannah." We chose the name Audrey for our first because we loved it too, it specifically stuck out to both of us and seemed fit our first little girl so well. I'll talk more about Audrey's name in a post about her sometime soon. Early in this pregnancy the name Hannah seemed to fit the new little person growing inside me. We kicked some other names around but we both always knew she would end up being Hannah.

I'm also so happy with the middle name we chose. We wanted it to be a name from Andrew's mission but none of the ones we tried on satisfied me well enough. At the very end we happened upon the name Ayelen in one of his mission journals and threw it into the running. The name means happiness, clear, joy, or to smile. When she was born we put the names together matched them to her sweet little face and it all just fit. A soft sweet name for our soft sweet baby girl. I love being her mother.

this is motherhood. soooooo tired. but still happy about it all.

Any moms out there notice how some nicknames for your kids just seem to come out of your mouth, and you're like "where did that come from?" My nicknames for Hannah have ranged from cute, to random, and sometimes to just plain weird. Some of them are things I also called Audrey when she was little but some are specific to Hannah. My favorites are Hannahlah, little darling, Hannah Girl, sweet pea, and recently 'Hunnah,' or more accurately 'Hunnaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.' This last one was invented by Audrey and it's caught on in our family.

Sisters

The sister relationship has been so much more than I hoped for this early. Hannah loves having Audrey around. When Audrey comes charging into the room yelling, Hannah looks around for her and sometimes even gets those little smiling eyes that newborns do before they smile with their mouths. She sleeps right through Audrey's temper fits and excited screams. She never gets upset at Audrey's hugs and kisses even when they are too much for her. Audrey loves talking to Hannah all the time and tells me she's crying whether she is or isn't just so I'll go get her. Audrey tries to help change diapers, she caresses Hannah's cheek, shows Hannah things she likes and 'shares' her toys with her.

The little things we love about Hannah

She likes when I kiss her on the lips. She will suddenly stop wiggling and open her mouth as I do it, looking up at the ceiling.

She wants to be held almost constantly. Sometimes she welcomes a good stretch on a blanket on the floor, but mostly she wants to be in someones arms.

Her neck is so strong! She's already pretty much holding her head up. She also has extremely strong legs. She sometimes is determined to carry all her own weight on her legs and all we have to do is keep her balanced.

Her first smiles are coming pretty consistently every day and she gives sweet happy coos and gurgles. Who would've thought that a 'gurgle' sound could be so adorable? She also gives out these loud little sighs with her tiny high pitched voice.

Hannah needs to have her arms covered pretty well in order to get a good sleep, but she dislikes being swaddled. She just loves being warm but hates being restricted.

She has the sweetest, saddest, little frowny face I've ever seen. It melts my heart and makes me want to do anything she wants.

She's having a pretty consistent morning schedule lately which I am so grateful for. She sleeps through the night (meaning about 11:30pm to 6am), wakes up to eat for 15 or 20 minutes, then goes back to sleep for about 2-3 hours. I then go back to sleep until Audrey is ready to get up. We eat breakfast, get ready for the day, and do some cleaning or an activity or two. Then Hannah wakes up to eat again and usually is up for a little while before going back to sleep again. I really should write down the exact times she sleeps for a few days and see how consistent it is for the rest of the day. I love having that time in the morning to get organized and spend some time with Audrey. Hannah is just the most considerate girl I've ever known! This consistent morning schedule is her gift to me and I'm so grateful to her for it!

Girl. Loves. Sleep.

i love this picture. they're in the same EXACT position. like seriously i just looked over at them like this.

She has the most adorable little curls! I can't wait to watch them grow. I think her hair will be similar to mine when I was a toddler. Her hair is lightening to a lighter brown

Her big round eyes are so beautiful! They look at me with such love and wonder, with that Hannah calmness at the same time. That calmness is her specialty, a characteristic all her own when it comes to our kids. Audrey is so feisty, determined, and strong. Hannah balances her out perfectly with her calm, relaxed nature.

She is not without moments of anger, however. She will cry out very loud when she is uncomfortable , a single cry of intense frustration, but then calms again as if she's considering if it's worth it to keep it up. But for those few moments...she's almost as intense as Audrey. I suppose that means she's like me- my dad has said to me that I don't get super mad very often but when I do I'm ruthless (those were his exact words if I remember correctly).

I love how her ears stick out.

She has that slightly tan Hanaike/Dobbins skin that seems to come from our combination.

I'm enjoying nursing once again. Hannah is an okay eater, not always committed to it (she still loves sleep more), but I think we both like spending that time together.

Her weight gain has been slow, just as Audrey's was, and she in the lower percentiles for just about everything. This time though I'm finding that I'm better able to not worry about it. She's acting happy and healthy and normal so I feel good about things. Everyone told me not to worry when the doctors were wary about Audrey's weight gain, but I think you just can't help it until you come to a good point on your own. I think thats with a lot of things in motherhood. I'm finding that a lot of the advice I've been given is totally true...but I needed to experience things and arrive at that conclusion myself before I could just make myself believe it.