I just want to say that...I love blogging! I wish I could write more often. I kind of go through blogging spurts, I know. Blogging makes me feel happy about my life. I love reading other people's blogs too because it makes me feel happy about their lives!

Tonight, after a great day at church (we LOVE our ward), Andrew and I had some time to do things not having to do with school or homework. We did some dishes, cleaned our room, grew Andrew a beard (see previous post), watched Avonlea, and also had the chance to just TALK. One of the lessons at church today was about communicating in marriage. The teacher asked "What are some of the things you and your spouse talk about?" Mostly answers were functional things like plan making and figuring out life conversations. And there were some romantic things, and angry things, and emotional things. Emotional talks are some of my favorites, but I'll save that gush for another post. The answer I had in my head to that question is that one of the things I love about communicating in a marriage is just being able to think out loud to each other. I think that is often more than half mine and Andrew's conversations usually. I like it because we get to know each other better, but I also feel like I get to know myself more. As life keeps getting busier I'm sure these random thought conversations will start to be replaced with more functional-lets-get-things-done-but-we-still-love-each-other kind of conversations. For right now, though, it's suits us to ramble on and on to each other about the things that pop into our heads. Memories, stories, questions, observations, ideas, wishes, dreams. I love it love it.

So who thinks Andrew should grow a beard?

I think my parents always just did what they had to do for my siblings and I. They didn’t complain or talk too much about how hard it was. From asking them these questions I learned a lot about them as people not just parents.

It's crazy to think that I will be in their shoes someday not too far off. I’m grateful that the chance to interview them came at this point in my life when their advice is applicable for me. It’s no longer some distant dream that I can only imagine…it is possible now! I’m at that point where it is possible that I will be a parent soon. I truly believe than many of these assignments are inspired. I trust and believe my parents that as hard as it will be to be a parent it will be the thing that brings the most joy I’ll ever know in this life. I hope that someday my kids will feel about me the way I feel about my parents.

I have come out of this week feeling so good about everything. I love my parents and I appreciate so much all the sacrifices they’ve made for their family and all that they’ve done for my siblings and I. I feel so strongly right now that the family is ordained of God and is the most important aspect of life. I appreciate how sacrificing polishes our hearts and refines our character, bringing us closer to God and making us more like Him. I’m excited for that part of life, even though I know it will be hard when I’m in it. I can’t express how happy I feel right now to be part of an eternal family. And how grateful I am for the chance to have my own.

Here is Mom's.

My mom said one of the most important contributions a mother can make to her family is being available to them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Whether it’s a young child scared of a storm, or a talkative teenager keeping you up past midnight- being there as much as possible physically and emotionally is one of the vital parts of being a good parent. She is lucky to have a job that caters to her young children’s schedules right now, but one of the challenges of it is when employers and co-workers don’t understand that her priority is her own child. She said that people who aren’t parents can’t seem to understand that nothing else comes before her kids, not even her job. She said something else that people don’t understand is the value of ‘just’ being a mom. It prepares you for many aspects of life and fills you with an inexplicable love that gives you super human power. It gives you the power of sticking with it and not giving up or running away during the hard times. She said from the moment you give birth you would gladly die for that baby. You have no problem sacrificing your body, your sleep, your social life, or anything for the well-being of your child. “This gives me a glimpse at how much Heavenly Father loves His children,” she said. “When I realize how deeply I can love their child here on earth.” When I asked for some advice she would give to a new mother she said to always tell your children how wonderful they are and to cherish the time you have with them. “Because it really does go by fast,” she said.
She said support from the church is very meaningful to her. Leaders acknowledge how difficult it is and how important is it to be a mom, when most of the world kind of looks down on you if that's 'all' you do. People often think the LDS church belittles women and places men in superior positions to them. But the church, more than anybody or any other organization in the world validates women, and doesn't make them feel like failures if they are choosing to stay home and cherish the time with their kids. She said that the world tries to make you choose or feel like if you're educated you're wasting it by being home with your kids. "The church makes women feel their absolute best."
When asked about benefits outweighing the costs, she answered, "Yes. In the moment of anger or a trial with your child, you know in your heart positives outweigh the negatives, but right then you're wondering when 18 will come. But then suddenly you’re on the other side of 18 and you feel like it really was gone too quickly." She talked about how that's the other cool twist in it all. That you still feel that powerful love, and when it is time to let go and have your child is live away from you, it feels foreign. Without your child you’re without an arm, no matter how old they get. But you know you desperately want that happy life for them though, and so you have to let go. "You can’t understand it yet, Hillary, but in 25 years all of sudden everything will make sense. That’s when you’ll remember this conversation. As much as you love them and as hard as it is to let go, it would be worse to hold them back. To not allow them to have this amazing life they’re having."

I love my mom. I think Sara Stanley sums up how this interview made me feel.

"I wake up in the morning and she is there. She is there as I close my eyes at night. Her presence is a comfort; a beacon; a rock I cling to when I am afraid. She is my champion. My inspiration. My guide. A mother's love is unselfish, kind. A mother's love is wise, full-hearted, the deepest well."

Now aside from my amazing new homework skills, the lessons in some of my classes this week were really inspiring. For one of them I had to interview my parents about some of the challenges and benefits of raising kids. As I write this I may get a little emotional. Because that's just the kind of person I am when anybody opens up to me. But I want to share a few of my favorite things I learned from them. Mostly it'll be excerpts from the summary I did of the interviews, but I'll include some other things that I found especially meaningful personally.

I'll start with Dad.

Many of my dad’s comments focused on how to counteract what the world is currently teaching about family. He said that the role of a father is diminished and undermined these days. Popular TV shows often depict the father as a ‘dumb bafoon,’ as my dad says, or a bumbling idiot who lacks integrity, authority, and responsibility altogether. A lot of people feel very strongly that women can do it all on their own and that a father is unnecessary. However, the role of a father is critical. We know this because of our church standpoint on it. His priesthood is one of the most important parts of his fatherhood. The ability to provide for his family spiritually as well as physically is a vital component to the role of father. He said that a father’s role is to protect and provide for his family in many different ways. It’s the father’s duty to set an example, to teach, to stand for something, and to help his family succeed, whatever that might mean. My dad is a father of four daughters and one son, so oftentimes helping his daughters succeed simply meant making them feel good about themselves. Sometimes that meant gathering us all for scriptures every night, while other times it meant taking us shopping to find a modest prom dress.
“All in all,” he said, “Once you’re a parent, it’s for life. You’ve made the choice.” He said it's a lot like converting to the church. When a person accepts the gospel they have to accept a lot…Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, the standards of the church- if there’s any one of those things they get caught up on they can’t progress. It’s similar with parenting. He said, “When a parent is bitter about the responsibility or the sacrifices they’ve had to make for their kids, they let that get in the way. But if you give yourself to Christ as you raise a child, just as you do in religion, if you get to that level of acceptance, if you're really in it for better or for worse, then the hard times you go through don’t mean a thing in the end. The benefits definitely outweigh the cost.”
When I asked him how- how the benefits outweigh the cost- he said, "In your wildest dreams, Hill, you’ll never understand it till it’s your own. When it’s your own kids. You'll love your nieces and nephews, but the moment you have your own it doesn’t compare. As much as you still love your nieces and nephews, it’s a thousand times more with your own kids. It’s all worth every bit of it. Don’t look at the costs. It’s not that you have to…it’s that you get to. Remember that. It’s get to not have to."

How do I even end this post without making him feel awkward? I love my Dad. I can't express how much I loved doing this interview with him.

This is the first time this semester that I won't be scrambling like crazy to get my online assignments done at the last minute. I have about 7 assignments for each of my 4 classes every week. And by assignments I don't just mean worksheets...I mean 3 page papers, 20 page readings, 40 minute group discussions, etc. Last week I was frantically trying to tape a poster together at 11:56 to take a picture of and turn in by midnight. Needless to say I didn't make it...
Now don't think I'm a procrastinator. This year I have finally kicked that habit waaaay out the door. I start my assignments at the very beginning of each week and work hard on them every day. Andrew will vouch for me.

HIM: "Do you want to take a break from homework and make dinner with me or watch a movie?"
ME: "NO! ARE YOU CRAZY? I'm like 15 hours behind on homework!!!"

Because no matter how early I do an assignment it still feels like I'm behind. I've learned a very important lesson about myself over the years. If I don't do something way early I will do it late. And I mean like last minute late. It never fails. There is no right on time for me, no middle ground. It's a good thing to finally realize about myself.
And my dear wonderful Andrew makes dinner and brings it to me while I furious pound on the keyboard with a frantic expression on my face. This seems to have become our nightly routine. I can't express how much I love and appreciate him. And how much I love and appreciate the times he is able to convince me to take a break. We play a few games of cards, watch a movie, try a new recipe, go for a walk, or sometimes just cuddle and talk. And then I'm rejuvenated to go back to homework later, more calm, more relaxed, more level headed, and just in an all around better mood. I love him so.
But like I said, I'm proud of myself because this week I am done with every assignment 12 1/2 hours early!! Please no applause. Thank you, thank you. I couldn't have done it without my dear Andrew encouraging me and helping me every step of the way. The best part about being done so early is that now I can start on my homework for NEXT WEEK! And maybe by Saturday I'll have things done even earlier!

You do.

So we're back in Provo. And it's not Christmas anymore. So I should probably change my blog a little bit. But WHO HAS THE TIME??? Here are a few of the things that happened right when we got back:

First of all school started. For both of us this time. Inconvenient. Actually let me back up a little further.....
FIRST of all a 17 hour train ride. On which I was SICK the whole time. Second of all when we finally got back into our apartment sweet apartment, we realized we left our phone chargers in California and our phones were both on the verge of DEATH. THEN school started. And we realized my financial aide paperwork wasn't complete. Then one of Andrew's books for class did not arrive. Then we took down our Christmas tree :(. Then I found out that for this first week of school I was scheduled for five 6-8 hour shifts at work. Then we realized our computer doesn't have the programs needed for my online classes. Then our Christmas package from the Dobbins still didn't arrive. Then Andrew was on his deathbed with a crazy high fever, shakes, coughs and other just unpleasant things. And over all....it's just time for these Dobbins to have a good cry. Maybe not Andrew. But me. It's me who needs a good cry.

Now ranting and raving about how my life is so hard is no way to start a new year and I know that. Especially because most of the problems we encountered were just because we were unprepared and irresponsible. So now for the good stuff. First of all, we had Christmas with my family. Now I should never never never complain about anything ever again because of what an amazing blessing that was. It was Andrew's first time spending more than just a few days with my family and everything went wonderfully. We played soooo many games, ate so much good food, saw so many friends and family, sang Christmas songs, watched a hundred Christmas movies, and played JUST DANCE till we JUST DIED. It was one of the best Christmases of my life.

Second of all our computer that had completely perished before we even went to California suddenly started working again and we didn't have to pay the $300 to get it fixed! And just in time for my online classes. We are still figuring out and downloading programs for my classes, but having the computer back is a HUGE miracle and blessing. And we have now officially been married for over 6 months! I just like the sound of that. And we have a cozy apartment to call our own. We have movies and food and a dishwasher. And so much to be grateful for.

See, Hillary? The good outweighs the bad by a whole paragraph! And now for the New Years hopes and wishes. And goals, I suppose. I'm not so good at New Years Resolutions because I tend to over-schedule my year with them. I have no idea what this year will bring and I think that everyone gets a little nervous thinking about the future. Especially newly weds that don't even know where they will be this summer. I keep thinking 'what if we have a kid soon?' Or 'what if Andrew stays sick for the rest of the year?' Or 'what if I fail all of my classes?' Or 'what if we end up in China for an internship?' Or 'what if financial aide never does come?' Or 'what if I'm not able to see Grandpa again?' That last one especially gets me sad.

But don't worry. I haven't lost my eternal perspective. This is just me thinking out loud on the blog. Everyone does a little worrying. I think that I've been blessed with a pretty fantastic life here on earth. And I am very excited to see where it will go. Because I know everything is in the Lord's hands and I trust Him.

I'm excited and nervous about this new year. But mostly just curious what it will bring.