Showing posts with label Journal Moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journal Moments. Show all posts

Thursday, April 26, 2018



The last few hours today have been “wishing I could hide from my kids” kind of hours.  I've heard it called by other moms around here "the witching hour," the one that lasts the longest and is the craziest because it's the last hour to get through before daddy gets home.  
It’s almost 5 here and Eli would not take his nap no matter what I did AND he didn’t want to play with toys AND he wasn’t satisfied just being held or carried around with me.  In the midst of that Hannah had two accidents one of which was poop in her panties.  Now there is popcorn all over my side of the bed because they all wanted snacks and that’s what was easiest, because I didn’t want to go downstairs to the other messes I’ve been avoiding.  Although, it actually isn’t in too bad condition the last few days because of some hard work on my part, especially yesterday.  I got a lot done and I’m pretty happy with myself for it. 
Anyways.  Now Eli is finally asleep and I have a lot I’ve been trying to do this whole time of him fighting me- meal planning, painting, folding laundry, sweeping, reading stories to them, and most importantly scripture/spiritual study- but instead of doing any of that I’m writing in my journal/blog.  I needed a return to sanity and resurge of loving myself, not feeling frustrated or guilty and just the overall ‘it’s okay’ feeling my journal gives me. 

Now a little while later I got some meal planning done, read some blogs that made me happy, and caught up on some texts. And I picked up Hannah as she kept her eyes glued to the TV and I hugged her, my face by her neck and curly brown hair- and she smelled like summer for some reason.  It’s coming……
Smelled like summer and childhood and home and curls all wrapped up in a Sofia t-shirt and a polka dot skirt.

Days are hard sometimes.  Because of that I wish I could describe every good moment of every day to remember it and keep it with me.  
Today it was this conversation with Hannah:

(Hannah feeling grumpy about some random thing (not getting a snack maybe?))
H: “I don’t wanna be in this family.”
Me: “Uh oh.  If you’re gonna start talking like that we wont be allowed to watch Coco anymore.”
H: “I do wanna be in this family.”
Me: “You do or don’t?”
H: “I DO wanna be in this family.  I wanna be in it forever and I’ll never leave you, I’ll never run away I promise because I’m yours and I won't go and I'm with this family and I'm yours.”
Me: (attacking her with hugs and kisses) “Oh good!  I never want you to leave me, I need you in our family forever and ever.”
H: “Because I’m yours mom.”
Me: "Yes yes yes.  Forever."

All of it, even the nice sweet parts, were said with a grumpy face and a mumbly little kind of baby talk voice.  She warms my heart and I want to always warm hers.  Now I’m sitting here dreaming about her smile when, even in moments of grumpiness, she can’t help but smile sometimes.  Moon eyes.  
She is mine!  She knows it, she wants to be mine!  I hope she always will.  
How amazing they all 3 are in their own ways?  And I am so grateful to be the one in their life who witnessing it all ALL first hand.  They amaze and astound and motivate and cheer me in life. 
I LOVE THEM!!!!  I can’t say it loud enough.
Even in those need-to-hide moments.  I'd like to believe that I'm good at keeping my perspective.

So many thoughts throughout the day I wish I could record.  I really don’t want to miss a moment especially due to impatience or weakness on my part.  But I guess that's part of this life so I'm not beating myself up about it.
All I know is that I want to hold a tubby and smooth sleeping baby Eli forever and I want to cuddle a tired yet inquisitive Audrey and talk and talk and talk about our feelings at all the bedtimes and I want to hold and comfort a petite little middle of the night rag doll named Hannah every night.  

Mom, you are right, night can be a very sacred time.  It is such a welcome thing sometimes.  Especially after a long day.





Saturday, February 17, 2018

And speaking of Roman Holiday, a post or two ago, I've been learning more and more even now about my hero Audrey Hepburn.  A lot of heroes become less heroic the more you learn about them and the behind the scenes of their life.  And then you kind of wish you could know less about them so that they could be your hero again.  But you can't, so you just have to try to find a new hero.  But with Audrey Hepburn...I love her and increase in respect for her the MORE I learn about her.  
I'm amazed, AMAZED I tell you, at her life.  She seems to be a hero for every season of my life and I'm so enjoying that realization.  I love her movies, her style, all of that.  But I feel...past that almost.  Beyond it.  It's kind of struck me as sad that this is pretty much all people know about her.  But there is so much more to her life, you know?  It didn't stop with the movies and the style.  Her and her image went beyond those things and on to some of the most noble work that can be done in my opinion, especially from a celebrity of all people.  She was a mother and an advocate for children.  One of my favorite books now is a biography about her written by her son Sean Hepburn-Ferrer.  Pretty much the entire book is about these two things, motherhood and Unicef.  It's a glimpse into what was really important to her.
My interest in her now is looking at her work as a humanitarian, her work with Unicef.  A spokesperson.  For children.  She used her image, her influence, people's interest in her this.  For children.
I wish I could have an assignment where I could write a paper about the later years of her life and all about her work with Unicef.  I've been finding interviews with her on youtube and speeches she gave about the subject.
I just can't get over her.
She lived a beautiful life, in almost every sense of the word.
Also as I was looking up these things on youtube I also discovered a newfound excitement and respect for another old celebrity- do you know who the first celebrity ambassador for Unicef was?  Danny Kaye.  I've always liked him.  But now I think I love him.  He raised so much awareness for Unicef.  I found interviews and videos of him where he entertained and played games with the kids, singing songs, dancing, making faces, ruffling their hair.
These people are so impressive to me.  Why aren't more celebrities doing things like this?  Why aren't more of US doing things like this?

I'm so grateful for heroes that last.











Tuesday, February 13, 2018

A new favorite show: 
Somebody Feed Phil.  It's a documentary about the best food Phil, who is the creator of Everybody Loves Raymond, can find in different countries.  So far I've watched Bangkok, Vietnam, and Israel.  It's kind of a random show.  But suddenly it's my comfort show for nights when I'm on my own here or just up late by myself.  


I have a movie about Malala rented from the library that I've been meaning to watch, and not with the kids.  But when night comes I get nervous to watch something about sadness and violence and oppression.  

So one of the things I've been thinking about a lot lately is culture.  And the thought that keeps coming to me, exclamation points and all, is 
I wish every culture was my culture!  
I feel very very blessed to have so many cultures a part of my life.  
I'm grateful to have knowledge  of and deep appreciation for both my white side and my brown side- Pioneers and Polynesians.  
Growing up in a place nicknamed "Little Manila" and being aware of the several other cultures around me all the time (there was ONE blonde haired girl in my grade...and she was part hispanic).  Spending much of my teenage and young adult years hearing Spanish everyday with Rocio living with us speaking Spanish to her kids and working at PFM for several years where every co-worker spoke Spanish (and tried to teach it to me so that I could impress Andrew when he came home from his mission in Paraguay).  
Watching and loving shows like The Nanny with Fran Fine and her Jewish family, 
or Living Single with Queen Latifah and her loud and proud knowledge of her African Amercian culture and who she is,
or the Big Family Cooking Showdown with the Indian family's amazing passion for food and family,
or Northern Exposure with the Native American spirituality and connection with nature.  
And movies like Cocoa, Moana, Princess and the Frog.  My favorite movie of all time Roman Holiday and the culture that surrounds the romantic plot.  I just love it all.  
I guess this is why I'm such good friends with Phil right now.

I love so many cultures.  I wish I could take all the wonderful things from each one and have it all be a part of who I am.  And I guess maybe I can.  In our families we create our own culture don't we?  I hope to raise my kids with an appreciation for all the wholesome, good, beautiful, exciting, and different things and different people all around the world.


I'm so glad God gave us culture. 
I love realizing that I'm passionate about something I didn't know I was.


Monday, February 12, 2018

A child and a book.

For Christmas Audrey got some illustrated child versions of classic books we thought she’d enjoy from Barnes and Nobles.  They are her first chapter cooks.  Every night we lay in my bed and read a chapter or three (they are really short chapters). 

The other night we finished The Little Princess.  She would look forward to reading it every night and even bring it up sometimes during the day.  Doing this together has become a really lovely little part of our life and such a nice end to our day.  Hannah joined in sometimes for that book but I think it will flow better when she’s a little older.  Maybe she will get a few of her own next Christmas….
Oh, also, we will be doing a movie night each time we finish a book. 

Last night we started The Secret Garden and tonight the whole family was on the bed listening. 
  



We also discovered the amazing-ness of books on CD for kids while on our California road trip.  Family favorites so far are Peter Pan and Junie B. Jones. 




This is just another parenting dream come true for me. 
I love beautiful books and wonderful stories. 
And I love those kids. 
The combination

is pure magic.




Also here is a look at their beautiful childhood creativity lately that I want to remember forever for adorableness and hilarity:


thats our curly hair all around the board

also eli as a gentleman.  thats what they called him when they put this polly pocket hat on his head.  and giggled like there's no tomorrow.





Friday, January 26, 2018


Yesterday was a bit of an overwhelming day over here, beginning with an 8:30 dentist appointment for Audrey to get three little cavities filled.  It actually went very well.  From there though it was just one of those OFF days between me and my girls.  A meltdowns and power struggles everywhere we went the rest of the day and everything we did at home!  By bedtime I was more than ready to not see or hear them for 12 hours.  I vented to Mariah and Natalie via Marco Polo, trying to make sense of why we had such a crappy day together (even though we did some very nice things, like visiting our new friend Trudy White, who is an older lady in our ward.  She had the most beautiful grandma house with toys for the girls and she and I sat and talked about two of my favorite things- painting and family history.  She is definitely a kindred spirit).  Anyways, in talking to Mariah and Natalie about it all Mariah suggested blogging to help me feel better about it.  And I felt like, "Well, DUH!  Why didn't I think of that?" 
This is the exact reason I started blogging again in the first place to help myself see the many many great and wonderful things about life, particularly my crazy little life with these kids.  So thank you Mariah for this reminder.  And now here are some of the things I am very happy about right now in my simple (it) stay at home mom life:

Homemade yogurt with raspberry syrup.  Pretty proud of myself.  

Attempting a portrait of Audrey (it's not going great yet so I won't post any pictures until I like it better)

piggy tail braids in their hair- the braids don't hang down by their shoulders, they get sucked up into the rest of their hair because curls gotta curl, even when braided.  Today Hannah stuck a little flower from Hawaii at the top of one of the braids and it has stayed without bobby pins or anything.  It looks quite adorable.  And now I will probably work that into a hairstyle for her next time.  I love things like that, when they accidentally show me a new thing!

Exercising every morning.  A fun PopSugar cardio video and Ekhart morning yoga video they like to do with me.  The other day they ran and put swimsuits on to do it because that was the closest thing they could think of to the outfits the girls in the video had on.  My wonderful little Eli Leilua sits in the Bumbo as I do it thinking I'm entertaining him!  It's great because then I can use his nap for other things to get done.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  I love this movie and I tend to watch with the New Year the last few years.  Inspiring and motivating.

Food goals are going pretty well.  

Bright white blankets of snow out our window.  It's very bright in the winter here.  

Andrew playing his guitar he got for Christmas on weekends and evenings.  I love the sound of him learning and practicing while I'm painting or doing stuff around the house.  It reminds me of my dad doing the same thing when I was growing up.

COCO.  WE LOVED COCO.  I wish I could own it right now.  I can't tell you how much I loved that movie, especially the end.

Also JUMANJI.  Went to see that with Julia and my cousin Krista and it was laugh out loud funny.  

Today we'll be going to the library which is always a lovely thing for us.  I have two books/books on Cd I'm looking for there today.  And of course we'll probably come home with 20 beautiful new children books as well.  I get pretty insane with all the stuff I try to haul home from the library, while carrying Eli and holding girls hands.  I seriously just CANNOT help myself.

Sand.  Sand, sand, sand.  My parents gave the girls some kinetic sand for Christmas with little toys in it to bury and play with.  It has been so much fun.  They're at the table with it right now and I love walking by and just grabbing handful of that softee stuff.  (Audrey just told me she finally uncovered the "dinosaur of truth" in her sand.  Other things that appear are "the horse of life" and things like that.  Is she not super cute?).
And speaking of sand...
Some of my favorite pictures of all time:













Junie B. Jones and Peter Pan books on CD.  A very fun part of our life right now.  

Marco Polo!  It has kind of changed my life, no exaggerating.  I have been able to keep in touch so much easier with people I had lost touch with over the years, high school and college friends.  And long conversations with cousins and sisters that are very difficult to have otherwise.  I love it.

Just Being Audrey book by Margret Cardillo.  It was Audrey's gift from Santa but she's been nice enough to share it with me.  Children books are one of my favorite things and Audrey Hepburn is one of my favorite people.  So the combination?  Too exciting for me to express.  I'm sure I'm so weird how happy it makes me.  She's one of those rare heroes in the world who becomes MORE of a hero the MORE I learn about her.  She is truly my friend.

My pandora station!  Good music can make such a HUGE difference in a day, don't you think??  I have now tailored one pandora station of mine to be exactly what I usually am in the mood to listen to.  And I've learned something about myself- I like jazzy kind of music.  Who knew?  I love acoustic music- like JUST a guitar or ukulele and little else kind of songs.  Those are my favorites.  But I also have some jazz because of Zee Avi- who kind of does both.  And also on that station are a lot of french songs!  Like the kind of music you hear in Ratatouille.  I like walking around pretending like we're in a little attic apartment in Paris, atmosphere and all.  I rocked Eli to sleep for his nap this morning to the lullaby tune of J'tai Deux Paris.  It was quite magical.  

Family reunion coming this summer!  Excited to help with decorations for it.  I already have some ideas....

Dreaming with Andrew about our future.  We're thinking some changes may happen for us in the next few years.  So we're doing a lot of dreaming and scheming and preparing right now.  I love having him to dream with.  

See, once I got started I couldn't stop!  
  

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