I love blogging about us around the house.  This is where we spend most of our time, most of our life, and while it's great to record about the big fun things we go do, I think that when I look back on the previous years of posts the ones I like most are the random posts with pictures of things I would've forgotten had I not blogged about our stay at home days.  Sometimes there are several days in a row where we don't see anyone but each other!

  So here is our around the house life last few weeks:

I love our days at home.  Sometimes we don't even set foot outside and it starts to get tedious.  But some days it doesn't!  Those days are awesome.  

1. After a long morning of doing those forgettable-yet-time-consuming-and-energy-sucking-things moms do in the mornings (and some other extra things, like making pumpkin bread for fall- one handed, mind you) all while also struggling with an upset baby, I was needing a break of some kind- ANY KIND.  I went to check on Eli (who had finally let me put him down, pacifier, blanket, and a window to look out of) and then was planning on going and getting some other things done if he was still chilling.  Instead I found myself laying down on the floor next to him in the fort.  For a long time.  We just looked out the window together at the tree in the backyard with brown leaves starting to flutter away and the big fluffy clouds in the sky with his arm reached out resting on me.  I've realized that's a way little Eli shows his love.  If I'm close enough his tiny arm will be extended as far as it can, reaching for any part of me he can find.  He'll just look around the room or whatever, going on with life, leaving his little fist resting on my arm or my stomach or even my cheek sometimes.  It's super cute.  And calm and peaceful, to have just been hanging out like that today.  I needed it.

Eventually the girls found us.  We all hung out in the fort for a bit and soon I was up again and going going going for another few hours.

2.  Later inventorying some fabric for possible Halloween costume ideas in my room while the kids watched Bambi on my bed...turned into me laying down in the middle of it all.  Literally.  Surrounded by kids and fabric and pillows, there was not an inch to spare on that bed, and I was even scrunched up as it was (don't worry though, all newborn babies present were totally safe and far from the pillows and fabric).  Again laying next to my Eli, another one of his nice calm arm-extended moments of the day.  I was able to lay there, under another window with big fluffy clouds in the sky, and I was able to rest and daydream, worry and think and ponder for a little while.  A rare quiet moment alone even though I was surrounded by a that bit of chaos.  

I'm so grateful for windows, big beautiful windows.  I think life would really be terrible without them.  In both of these moments the windows were probably the biggest part of the peacefulness for me.

(I'm also grateful for TV. #MOMLIFE)

Such very very very small and simple things make all the very very very hard stuff so very very very worth it.

(Obviously this was supposed to be posted on Sunday!  But still here it is)

1. A lot of Sundays we don't get too much out of church- HASHTAG PARENTHOOD.   But the Spirit of God always still finds a way into our hearts during the week, at church or at home or at work.  This week while chopping veggies for dinner I listened to the talk by Sister Reeves called "Protection from Pornography- a Christ Focused Home" and was struck anew by this scripture:

“We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, [and] we prophesy of Christ … that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26

(from the talk) "How can we do this in our homes? Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

We were trying to do these things, but they were not always the priority and, amidst the chaos, were sometimes neglected. We changed our focus and tried not to worry about the less-important things. Our focus became to talk, rejoice, preach, and testify of Christ by striving to daily pray and study the scriptures and have weekly family home evening."

I'm going to strive to have us talk, preach, and prophesy of Christ more often, and especially openly rejoice in Christ more in our home.  Because my kids need to know.

our comfy cozy messy-but-full-of-love home

2. Another day this week (while cleaning the bathroom) I listened to the talk "Where Your Treasure Is" by Elder Michael John U. Teh and heard the much needed reminder of 

"Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  Luke 12:34

It made me very reflective about what I treasure in life and made me wonder if my kids knew what I treasure.  Like if they were asked would they say, "Mommy treasures uhh...her phone" or "her decorations" or "her computer."  Do they know that it's them?  That it's our family.  That it's my faith.  That it's our relationships with others.  That it's their father.  Do they know, do I show them?  They are watching everything I do.  

I want this scripture to be up in our home as a constant reminder to ask myself, "What am I treasuring today?"

3. I've noticed that in down times in my day, my eye wanders around the room searching for something to look at, something for my eyes to rest on.  I look for comfort somewhere in the room.  I guess I am a visual person, I LOVE artwork.  Since I've noticed this I've been adamant about having a picture of Jesus in every room in our house.  My eye wanders around and then rests on Him.  I feel comfort in looking at Him and being reminded that He is always there.

in our living room

4. Sitting towards the back of the chapel today during sacrament meeting, I saw a little mother-son moment that I loved.  This single mom in our ward and her teenage son.  He said something to her, then she whispered in his ear and they both smiled and laughed a little, continued whispering for a minute, then she put her arm around him and rubbed his shoulder as they both listened to the speaker.  It's just the two of them going through this life together right now.  I looked down at my little son asleep in my arms and thought about him and all my hopes and dreams for his life and for our relationship.  I'm grateful to have seen that little moment that they both have probably forgotten about now.  I am so overwhelmingly inspired by small things and by good examples of what I hope my future will look like.  

Goal this week- get outside every single day, away from home at least twice.

By the way my hearing is all back!  I realized I never mentioned that big update.  My life is different with hearing!  I must sing praises to my Heavenly Father that it was just a temporary thing!

They sent Eli and I home with balloons from the shower.  

Early Thursday morning brought us a cool shady backyard.  

And this happiness:

My nerves are a little bit on edge.  

My head is rocking with every movement today.

I'm feeling anxious right now and I'm not sure why so I think I'll blog for a few minutes. 

Yesterday morning I woke up to Eli tapping me.  He was laying quietly next to me, wide awake looking around the room, his arms just moving around aimlessly.  It was a nice way to wake up.

Sometimes all I want to do is sit here and hold a sleeping baby.  

But, what to do with Audrey and Hannah? I try to save TV time for them for when I'm having an episode.  As much as an emotional break is sometimes very necessary, I feel like it's a luxury I can't afford.  I have to keep pushing through the emotional stuff because the physical stuff is so much more debilitating.  Although emotions can be plenty debilitating too, can't they?  

Some hours in the day are just weird and sucky.  

On another note.

One thing that I've tried to be aware of ever since an episode of Northern Exposure pointed it out to me is the value of silence.  In this episode the character Marilyn Whirlwind, who is a native Alaskan secretary for the New Yorker doctor, Joel Fleishman, who has come to the small town of Cicily Alaska, dares the doctor to spend 5 minutes without talking.  She doesn't think he can do it.  So, determined to prove her wrong, he indignantly accepts the dare and they sit across from each other in his office with the desk between them looking at each other in silence.  He can't even make it one minute before he gets up angrily and starts talking about how dumb this is and how no one could do it with her staring at him like that.  

Then another episode where Marilyn and Fleishman's mother have a similar experience together.  In the end the mother goes for a walk by herself in silence.  And experiences nature in a new way because of it.  

I love this whole idea.  Maybe because silence is a big part of life for me sometimes lately (hearing IS getting better though.  Hopefully back to normal soon).  Quiet is something much needed in everyones life these days.  Just the fact that we need entertainment every second if the day.  People can't even go the the bathroom without taking their phones to "kill time" while doing their business.  We could all use a lot more just thinking time, mind wandering time.  I imagine evenings back in the day, a mother sitting by the fire sewing, a father sitting with a book or something.  Just quiet.  And then bedtime.  No wonder people slept better with an hour like that before bed.

Every day I'm kind of daring myself to go more than a few minutes without music on, or the TV, or talking.  It's hard but I want it to be a skill my kids develop.  The ability to have silence in their lives.  Peacefulness.  And being in touch with yourself and with the Spirit.  And nature.  I love being out in quiet nature.

This tiny treasure I found at DI is my little reminder in my kitchen. 

"Make time for quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud."

Her 4th birthday was a few weeks ago, so here is a special story as my little tribute to my sweet loving first born baby, Audrey Kealana (or as she thinks her name is, Audrey Kealana Dear).

We were sitting on the couch together today a little bit before Daddy came home, having a cuddle and singing random songs, when I had one of the sweetest little moments of my parenting life so far with my Audrey.  Minutes before this little moment we had been being crazy and silly.  Then Hannah had gone off to play, Elijah had fallen asleep, and Audrey and I had all the cuddling to ourselves for a bit.  I started telling her about a song that I used to sing to her when she was a baby, a song I had purposely taken the time to learn before I was ever even pregnant with any of them, with the thought that I would sing it to my babies someday.  It's the song "Goodnight My Angel" by Billy Joel, the version I learned being a cover by the group Celtic Woman.  So I started singing it trying to remember it all and being kinda silly with the parts I didn't remember.  Halfway through I looked over at Audrey's face and was surprised to see tears in her eyes!  I asked why she was crying.  Her cute little face scrunched up in emotion, tears streaming down, her voice slightly squeaking she said "Because I just miss that song so much."

She has always had such a talent with melting hearts.  

I was so surprised at how real her emotion was that at first I kind of laughed at her adorable-ness but I was also bewildered, touched, and slightly speechless!  I just like...really didn't know what to say!  My heart melting down to butter, I held her in a hug and wiped her tears, asking her things like "what do you mean?" and such.  She told me, as she continued to cry, about how she just loves that song and our family so much.  And she kept saying she missed that song.  We finished the song because she asked me too.  Then after trying to take advantage of a spiritual teaching opportunity, which I'll keep sacred between me and her, I promised her we would sing it any time she wanted, every day even.  I said I loved her which sparked her emotion again (and by now I was all teary of course too) and she closed her eyes so tight and said, "I know you do."  

I'm emotional writing this.  Because this girl, though she is so adorably dramatic sometimes, I know that she feels things so deeply and is so emotionally mature for her age a lot of times.  I feel so blessed that she's mine.

I think she is missing being the baby sometimes.  Missing the attention, things like being rocked to sleep.  But she rarely shows it.  She has always been so in love with being a big sister and has never had a problem sharing, both of which I have always been SO SO grateful for.  But maybe more often I need to single her out, not just as a good big sister, but as one of my unconditionally loved babies.  I don't think we've been too bad at this in her life so far.  But, oh, how terribly I want them each to know how deeply loved and adored they are and always will be.  I hope they never doubt it.  She is my sweetheart and my kindred spirit, especially emotionally.  That song is much more special now.  I feel certain that Heavenly Father for some reason sent one of his sweetest spirits to Andrew and I.

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Happy birthday my big 4 year old girl!
You can stop growing now!