My sentimental Audrey

Her 4th birthday was a few weeks ago, so here is a special story as my little tribute to my sweet loving first born baby, Audrey Kealana (or as she thinks her name is, Audrey Kealana Dear).

We were sitting on the couch together today a little bit before Daddy came home, having a cuddle and singing random songs, when I had one of the sweetest little moments of my parenting life so far with my Audrey.  Minutes before this little moment we had been being crazy and silly.  Then Hannah had gone off to play, Elijah had fallen asleep, and Audrey and I had all the cuddling to ourselves for a bit.  I started telling her about a song that I used to sing to her when she was a baby, a song I had purposely taken the time to learn before I was ever even pregnant with any of them, with the thought that I would sing it to my babies someday.  It's the song "Goodnight My Angel" by Billy Joel, the version I learned being a cover by the group Celtic Woman.  So I started singing it trying to remember it all and being kinda silly with the parts I didn't remember.  Halfway through I looked over at Audrey's face and was surprised to see tears in her eyes!  I asked why she was crying.  Her cute little face scrunched up in emotion, tears streaming down, her voice slightly squeaking she said "Because I just miss that song so much."

She has always had such a talent with melting hearts.  

I was so surprised at how real her emotion was that at first I kind of laughed at her adorable-ness but I was also bewildered, touched, and slightly speechless!  I just like...really didn't know what to say!  My heart melting down to butter, I held her in a hug and wiped her tears, asking her things like "what do you mean?" and such.  She told me, as she continued to cry, about how she just loves that song and our family so much.  And she kept saying she missed that song.  We finished the song because she asked me too.  Then after trying to take advantage of a spiritual teaching opportunity, which I'll keep sacred between me and her, I promised her we would sing it any time she wanted, every day even.  I said I loved her which sparked her emotion again (and by now I was all teary of course too) and she closed her eyes so tight and said, "I know you do."  

I'm emotional writing this.  Because this girl, though she is so adorably dramatic sometimes, I know that she feels things so deeply and is so emotionally mature for her age a lot of times.  I feel so blessed that she's mine.

I think she is missing being the baby sometimes.  Missing the attention, things like being rocked to sleep.  But she rarely shows it.  She has always been so in love with being a big sister and has never had a problem sharing, both of which I have always been SO SO grateful for.  But maybe more often I need to single her out, not just as a good big sister, but as one of my unconditionally loved babies.  I don't think we've been too bad at this in her life so far.  But, oh, how terribly I want them each to know how deeply loved and adored they are and always will be.  I hope they never doubt it.  She is my sweetheart and my kindred spirit, especially emotionally.  That song is much more special now.  I feel certain that Heavenly Father for some reason sent one of his sweetest spirits to Andrew and I.

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Happy birthday my big 4 year old girl!
You can stop growing now!