Thoughts on quiet

My nerves are a little bit on edge.  

My head is rocking with every movement today.

I'm feeling anxious right now and I'm not sure why so I think I'll blog for a few minutes. 

Yesterday morning I woke up to Eli tapping me.  He was laying quietly next to me, wide awake looking around the room, his arms just moving around aimlessly.  It was a nice way to wake up.

Sometimes all I want to do is sit here and hold a sleeping baby.  

he always has one eye slightly open until he is completely asleep.  it's kind of hilarious to me.

But, what to do with Audrey and Hannah? I try to save TV time for them for when I'm having an episode.  As much as an emotional break is sometimes very necessary, I feel like it's a luxury I can't afford.  I have to keep pushing through the emotional stuff because the physical stuff is so much more debilitating.  Although emotions can be plenty debilitating too, can't they?  

Some hours in the day are just weird and sucky.  

On another note.

One thing that I've tried to be aware of ever since an episode of Northern Exposure pointed it out to me is the value of silence.  In this episode the character Marilyn Whirlwind, who is a native Alaskan secretary for the New Yorker doctor, Joel Fleishman, who has come to the small town of Cicily Alaska, dares the doctor to spend 5 minutes without talking.  She doesn't think he can do it.  So, determined to prove her wrong, he indignantly accepts the dare and they sit across from each other in his office with the desk between them looking at each other in silence.  He can't even make it one minute before he gets up angrily and starts talking about how dumb this is and how no one could do it with her staring at him like that.  

Then another episode where Marilyn and Fleishman's mother have a similar experience together.  In the end the mother goes for a walk by herself in silence.  And experiences nature in a new way because of it.  

I love this whole idea.  Maybe because silence is a big part of life for me sometimes lately (hearing IS getting better though.  Hopefully back to normal soon).  Quiet is something much needed in everyones life these days.  Just the fact that we need entertainment every second if the day.  People can't even go the the bathroom without taking their phones to "kill time" while doing their business.  We could all use a lot more just thinking time, mind wandering time.  I imagine evenings back in the day, a mother sitting by the fire sewing, a father sitting with a book or something.  Just quiet.  And then bedtime.  No wonder people slept better with an hour like that before bed.

Every day I'm kind of daring myself to go more than a few minutes without music on, or the TV, or talking.  It's hard but I want it to be a skill my kids develop.  The ability to have silence in their lives.  Peacefulness.  And being in touch with yourself and with the Spirit.  And nature.  I love being out in quiet nature.

This tiny treasure I found at DI is my little reminder in my kitchen. 

"Make time for quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud."