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My exercise in happiness: I'm going to try to blog once a week.
With a new baby, two other kids to take care of, having Menieres issues, being homebound, lack of sleep, and recently experiencing more hearing loss- I feel like I am sometimes teetering on the edge of that depression cliff. So in an attempt to do battle with this feeling and stay on the TOP of the cliff, I've made this goal for blogging, because blogging always makes me happy. I've recently been reading some of Stephanie Nielson's blog posts (nieniedialogues.com) from during her recovery from her plane crash. Hers and other mom blogs I read sometimes have inspired me. I notice a pattern- the blogs I love and enjoy reading seem to be the ones where people are celebrating their lives. There are hard things in their lives, and they're not ignoring them, but they are focusing on the good things going on at the same time. My mom, my sister Julia, my friend Olivia, and Stephanie Nielson- these are some women who seem to do that. Right now Stephanie's blog is helping me particularly to be okay with writing about what I'm actually going through with Menieres, like how she wrote honestly about her recovery. So my blog wont be all celebratory. But it will help me have a release I hope and feel like I have a support system out there because people are actually understanding how hard things are sometimes. Meneires and hearing loss from it have made me feel more and more isolated a little at a time. So maybe if I write about it I will feel less alone in it. And I always feel happier when I blog!
I want to be a little more oblivious to the bad things in life, like my sister Samantha is sometimes. Because I usually do the opposite...I dwell on them. Samantha is one of the happiest people I've ever known. I want to be like her.
Right now the stupidest thing going on for me is this sudden dramatic hearing loss. I'm frustrated and discouraged by it, because everyone and everything sounds very far away and muffled and I have to say what about 20 times in one conversation. I had two ear infections last week out of the blue and it messed with my hearing in both my good ear and my bad one. It is VERY disorienting to lose one of your senses! Eli and I made our debut at church today and I had some uh...communication issues that led to a few misunderstandings- the kind where someone asks me a question and I laugh assuming they just said something funny and then we look at each other confused for a split second and then one of us politely escapes. Things like that. That's already kinda been a part of my life, but today it was getting ridiculous. It was good to have the mother's room all to myself during Sunday School so I could just sit in my silence and not have to strain to hear anyone or worry about awkwardness. Just me and Eli, no one else to worry about, nothing else to hear. Although I did very faintly hear what sounded like ukulele music that I still have no idea where it was coming from....or if it even existed. I get discouraged, but stuff like that it's fun to just laugh at myself.
Anyways, I've had the lovely Helen Keller on my mind lately because of all this. I happened to pick up the movie The Miracle Worker from the library a few days before the ear infections. I put it on one early morning after the hearing loss came when I was feeling emotional with discouragement. It was very helpful and hopeful. I'm having a really hard time with (what I hope is temporary) deafness and I am so in awe of someone who goes through life without sight as well. I feel like right now I'm living in a world of almost silence- I'm zoned out a lot and just in my own head so much because nothing else can get in (except tinnitus of course. Lots and lots of tinnitus)! I can't imagine being in a world of silence AND darkness. And somehow still being able to thrive as much as Helen Keller did. I'm going to try and learn more about her and read her books. I want to know how she found such success and happiness in the silent and dark world she lived in.
I don't always do very well with goals, so hopefully this time I can be persistent with myself to make it happen. Once a week is realistic, I hope, and although it make take me several days to write one little post (Menieres affects my screen time abilities) I will try my hardest to make it happen. I've talked to Andrew about my goal and he is all prepared to help me make it happen by helping me have time to do it. I love him a lot.
My goal this week: focus on food. Pursuing natural and low-sodium everything to see if it helps reduce the hearing loss, tinnitus, and short but frequent vertigo episodes . We bought a lot of fruits and veggies for this. Snacking and convenience are my downfalls. I've got to prepare snacks ahead and have this be my main goal this week, one day at a time. If I try to pursue anything else along with this I know I won't stay on top of it. We'll see how it goes!
During a vertigo episode I find myself saying, "I hate my life." But thats not true at all. I hate my Menieres life. But I love my everything else life. Especially my MOM LIFE.
With a new baby, two other kids to take care of, having Menieres issues, being homebound, lack of sleep, and recently experiencing more hearing loss- I feel like I am sometimes teetering on the edge of that depression cliff. So in an attempt to do battle with this feeling and stay on the TOP of the cliff, I've made this goal for blogging, because blogging always makes me happy. I've recently been reading some of Stephanie Nielson's blog posts (nieniedialogues.com) from during her recovery from her plane crash. Hers and other mom blogs I read sometimes have inspired me. I notice a pattern- the blogs I love and enjoy reading seem to be the ones where people are celebrating their lives. There are hard things in their lives, and they're not ignoring them, but they are focusing on the good things going on at the same time. My mom, my sister Julia, my friend Olivia, and Stephanie Nielson- these are some women who seem to do that. Right now Stephanie's blog is helping me particularly to be okay with writing about what I'm actually going through with Menieres, like how she wrote honestly about her recovery. So my blog wont be all celebratory. But it will help me have a release I hope and feel like I have a support system out there because people are actually understanding how hard things are sometimes. Meneires and hearing loss from it have made me feel more and more isolated a little at a time. So maybe if I write about it I will feel less alone in it. And I always feel happier when I blog!
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| one of those late nights...or early mornings. i don't know anymore! |
I want to be a little more oblivious to the bad things in life, like my sister Samantha is sometimes. Because I usually do the opposite...I dwell on them. Samantha is one of the happiest people I've ever known. I want to be like her.
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| if my kids grow up to be half as happy as samantha, i think ill be satisfied with my parenting job |
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| samantha on a picnic, a block our house in california. this picture captures perfectly why i ache with homesickness all the time. this is my happy place, a perfect day. |
Right now the stupidest thing going on for me is this sudden dramatic hearing loss. I'm frustrated and discouraged by it, because everyone and everything sounds very far away and muffled and I have to say what about 20 times in one conversation. I had two ear infections last week out of the blue and it messed with my hearing in both my good ear and my bad one. It is VERY disorienting to lose one of your senses! Eli and I made our debut at church today and I had some uh...communication issues that led to a few misunderstandings- the kind where someone asks me a question and I laugh assuming they just said something funny and then we look at each other confused for a split second and then one of us politely escapes. Things like that. That's already kinda been a part of my life, but today it was getting ridiculous. It was good to have the mother's room all to myself during Sunday School so I could just sit in my silence and not have to strain to hear anyone or worry about awkwardness. Just me and Eli, no one else to worry about, nothing else to hear. Although I did very faintly hear what sounded like ukulele music that I still have no idea where it was coming from....or if it even existed. I get discouraged, but stuff like that it's fun to just laugh at myself.
Anyways, I've had the lovely Helen Keller on my mind lately because of all this. I happened to pick up the movie The Miracle Worker from the library a few days before the ear infections. I put it on one early morning after the hearing loss came when I was feeling emotional with discouragement. It was very helpful and hopeful. I'm having a really hard time with (what I hope is temporary) deafness and I am so in awe of someone who goes through life without sight as well. I feel like right now I'm living in a world of almost silence- I'm zoned out a lot and just in my own head so much because nothing else can get in (except tinnitus of course. Lots and lots of tinnitus)! I can't imagine being in a world of silence AND darkness. And somehow still being able to thrive as much as Helen Keller did. I'm going to try and learn more about her and read her books. I want to know how she found such success and happiness in the silent and dark world she lived in.
I don't always do very well with goals, so hopefully this time I can be persistent with myself to make it happen. Once a week is realistic, I hope, and although it make take me several days to write one little post (Menieres affects my screen time abilities) I will try my hardest to make it happen. I've talked to Andrew about my goal and he is all prepared to help me make it happen by helping me have time to do it. I love him a lot.
My goal this week: focus on food. Pursuing natural and low-sodium everything to see if it helps reduce the hearing loss, tinnitus, and short but frequent vertigo episodes . We bought a lot of fruits and veggies for this. Snacking and convenience are my downfalls. I've got to prepare snacks ahead and have this be my main goal this week, one day at a time. If I try to pursue anything else along with this I know I won't stay on top of it. We'll see how it goes!
During a vertigo episode I find myself saying, "I hate my life." But thats not true at all. I hate my Menieres life. But I love my everything else life. Especially my MOM LIFE.
 |
| this is why if i'm ever sad i need to remember to look at my blog. cause how could anyone stay sad when they see pictures of this little face??? it's impossible. |
2 comments:
I like this blogging goal! Hope things improve with the hearing. Elijah is getting so big - can't wait to hold him again!
You are a wonderful example of fortitude. I can appreciate the desire to have healthy food around, but know that struggle with convenience when it comes to the snacking ;). One day at a time...I'll have to adopt that mantra as well my dear. Thank you for your awesome blogs. Love you!
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