Friday, April 27, 2018



Wallking down a rolling green hill overlooking part of the salt lake valley, beautiful vista in front of me reminiscent of the cliffs over the ocean at home, wind in my ears, huge blue and white sky above me, alone except for my baby boy in my arms as he smiles and tries to fight sleep, and a bird’s unique song sounds in my ears closer than I would’ve assumed it could be.  That was my sweet moment with motherhood and with nature yesterday.  Just me and my baby.  Just me and Eli.  Just me and nature. 
Reading that description, it’s so sad how it doesn’t do it justice.
Isle of Inisfree has become one of Eli’s songs, and this moment was perfect for it.


I've met some folks Who say that I'm a dreamer
And I've no doubt There's truth in what they say
But sure a body's bound to be a dreamer
When all the things he loves are far away
And precious things Are dreams unto an exile
They take him over The land across the sea
Especially when it happens he's an exile
From that dear lovely Isle of Inisfree
And when the moonlight Peeks across the rooftops
Of this great city Wondrous though it be
I scarcely feel it's wonder or it's laughter
I'm once again back home in Inisfree
I wonder over green hills Through dreamy valleys
And find a peace, no other land would know
I hear the birds make music fit for angels
And watch the rivers laughing As they flow
And then into a humble shack I wander
My dear old home and tenderly behold
The folks I love Around the turf fire gathered
On bended knee Their rosary is told
But dreams don't last
Though dreams are not forgotten
And soon I'm back to stern reality
But though they pave The foot ways here with gold dust
I still would choose my Isle of Inisfree

(Celtic woman version)

that moment after the others had caught up with us


We discovered this park this weekend, Tunnel Springs.  Actually me and the kids had been there before with the mom group once.  But I had no idea how much more there was to it.  It has definitely made my 'favorite places in Utah' list now.  The green green green rolling hills and huge view reminded me of that part in Pride and Prejudice when Lizzy is out with her aunt and uncle.  I am usually of the opinion that for a view to receive the rank of 'amazing' it has to have the ocean in it.  But I discovered that the Great Salt Lake will do too!
There were rock cairns too that we spent a significant amount of time with.  The kids were right along with Andrew in excitement about those!  
 This was Friday afternoon that we found it and we loved it so much we decided to go back the next day and make a day of it.  We did all the park things- picnic, bikes, playground, kites.  When we find a place we like we are squatters.







our family cairn contribution 
















Sometimes the whole world just seems to be SHINING!!!  

Thursday, April 26, 2018




You know how people post pictures of their kids together with a caption like "the one decent picture we could get of them" or "the only one where they are all looking."
Well sometimes...
there isn't even one.
And yet it's still adorable.
Puppy day story time at the library.






Oh and here is some extra cuteness for you too...







The last few hours today have been “wishing I could hide from my kids” kind of hours.  I've heard it called by other moms around here "the witching hour," the one that lasts the longest and is the craziest because it's the last hour to get through before daddy gets home.  
It’s almost 5 here and Eli would not take his nap no matter what I did AND he didn’t want to play with toys AND he wasn’t satisfied just being held or carried around with me.  In the midst of that Hannah had two accidents one of which was poop in her panties.  Now there is popcorn all over my side of the bed because they all wanted snacks and that’s what was easiest, because I didn’t want to go downstairs to the other messes I’ve been avoiding.  Although, it actually isn’t in too bad condition the last few days because of some hard work on my part, especially yesterday.  I got a lot done and I’m pretty happy with myself for it. 
Anyways.  Now Eli is finally asleep and I have a lot I’ve been trying to do this whole time of him fighting me- meal planning, painting, folding laundry, sweeping, reading stories to them, and most importantly scripture/spiritual study- but instead of doing any of that I’m writing in my journal/blog.  I needed a return to sanity and resurge of loving myself, not feeling frustrated or guilty and just the overall ‘it’s okay’ feeling my journal gives me. 

Now a little while later I got some meal planning done, read some blogs that made me happy, and caught up on some texts. And I picked up Hannah as she kept her eyes glued to the TV and I hugged her, my face by her neck and curly brown hair- and she smelled like summer for some reason.  It’s coming……
Smelled like summer and childhood and home and curls all wrapped up in a Sofia t-shirt and a polka dot skirt.

Days are hard sometimes.  Because of that I wish I could describe every good moment of every day to remember it and keep it with me.  
Today it was this conversation with Hannah:

(Hannah feeling grumpy about some random thing (not getting a snack maybe?))
H: “I don’t wanna be in this family.”
Me: “Uh oh.  If you’re gonna start talking like that we wont be allowed to watch Coco anymore.”
H: “I do wanna be in this family.”
Me: “You do or don’t?”
H: “I DO wanna be in this family.  I wanna be in it forever and I’ll never leave you, I’ll never run away I promise because I’m yours and I won't go and I'm with this family and I'm yours.”
Me: (attacking her with hugs and kisses) “Oh good!  I never want you to leave me, I need you in our family forever and ever.”
H: “Because I’m yours mom.”
Me: "Yes yes yes.  Forever."

All of it, even the nice sweet parts, were said with a grumpy face and a mumbly little kind of baby talk voice.  She warms my heart and I want to always warm hers.  Now I’m sitting here dreaming about her smile when, even in moments of grumpiness, she can’t help but smile sometimes.  Moon eyes.  
She is mine!  She knows it, she wants to be mine!  I hope she always will.  
How amazing they all 3 are in their own ways?  And I am so grateful to be the one in their life who witnessing it all ALL first hand.  They amaze and astound and motivate and cheer me in life. 
I LOVE THEM!!!!  I can’t say it loud enough.
Even in those need-to-hide moments.  I'd like to believe that I'm good at keeping my perspective.

So many thoughts throughout the day I wish I could record.  I really don’t want to miss a moment especially due to impatience or weakness on my part.  But I guess that's part of this life so I'm not beating myself up about it.
All I know is that I want to hold a tubby and smooth sleeping baby Eli forever and I want to cuddle a tired yet inquisitive Audrey and talk and talk and talk about our feelings at all the bedtimes and I want to hold and comfort a petite little middle of the night rag doll named Hannah every night.  

Mom, you are right, night can be a very sacred time.  It is such a welcome thing sometimes.  Especially after a long day.





Last week we had Samantha come stay with us again on her way back to school up in Idaho.  It's always so great to have her around and it's fun to help her re-pack and get all ready for another semester in college!  She plans everything so meticulously and she is always so enthused about life.  Good luck Samantha, here's to another amazing semester!




Last week also brought us some lovely time with our best friends the Lincolns again.  We met up with them and their cousin Carolina and her kids at Memory Grove Park- which is possibly my favorite place in all of Utah.  I have SO many memories there from college and now from marriage and mom life.  Someday I should do a post just about Memory Grove and all the lovely times I've had there.  







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