Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Springtime Farm Trip

We think Spring is officially here!

And to celebrate today we went to Wheeler Farm, the kids and I!

I very surprisingly had some Menieres issues while we were there…I haven’t had any problems in such a long time. But a little bit after going on the wagon ride around the farm I was feeling dizzy and slightly nauseas. Menieres is so annoying (in many ways) because I cant even describe what I mean by dizzy. The dizziness is always different too. It’s not normal dizziness…this time it had nothing to do with my vision. It’s like something deep inside my head is dizzy and though im not seeing it, im feeling it, feeling a slight spinning deep inside my head. I think it was part wagon ride and part pushing a stroller on bumpy gravel for such a long time, the bouncing getting to me. I wish I had just carried Eli. But then I would’ve also had to have carried the diaper bag and the food bag we brought for lunch all while holding Audrey and Hannah’s hands at times so I probably would’ve tired quicker. I’m always discovering a new way to be dizzy it seems.

I was nervous to drive. I should’ve told our friends we were with, Maria and Lucinda and their kids, before they left just to be safe in case it got worse and I really couldn’t drive and we were stuck there….but I didn’t. It’s just so awkward. Because what would I be asking for? “Hey can you actually stay awhile longer till I feel better? It could be an hour or 3. Anybody’s guess.” I know they would’ve…everybody in the ward knows about it and everyone is super helpful and kind. But since it’s so hard to tell how it’s actually going from moment to moment, no warning of when it’s getting better or not, I hate asking people to do things like waiting for me when they were about to go home. It’s a time when I’d just rather struggle on my own and wait it out with hope.

(And Maria or Lucinda if you're reading this please don't feel bad!)

My kids are not going to notice these things for awhile I think, which is good. All they know is that we stayed an extra hour longer than everyone else in our group which they think is great!

Having this issue is hard and maybe that’s why Heavenly Father blessed me with such good kids in these situations. Hannah is difficult sometimes and Audrey is needy occasionally, but neither of them are destructive or oblivious or disobedient to the point that I’m worried about not being able to control them in a public place. When I’m having this kind of thing happen I know that they will stay with me as we walk from place to place. I know that they won’t go far away and I know that Audrey will be looking out for Hannah and Hannah will be staying close to either me or her, and that even if I cant see straight or take in everything, I know that if I tell them 'no' they will listen, however grumpily, and that when I call them they will come. I don’t think I ever realized what a blessing that is. I am so grateful that Audrey is able to be so responsible at such a young age, especially when she knows something is going on with me, she steps up.

We made it home in the end and to Costco even. Because I did just randomly feel all better an hour later.

Anyways,

the farm was such a fun time. I was reminded how much I love animals. There were adorable baby lambs and cute piglets and the best horses I’ve ever known. We were able to pet them and feed grass to the horses. My favorite thing about it was Hannah feeling so brave and happy being with them that she kept on picking handfuls of grass and feeding one horse over and over all by herself. She’s usually pretty wary of things, but she was so not in this! It was quite wonderful to me. She loves horses kind-of just because I have always told her dogs and horses were her favorite when she was a baby. But today made me feel so happy watching her with them and thinking she actually feels a special connection to them, not just to her play horses at home. As we were walking towards them and then again as we walked away from them she was talking about how they are her special special horses, so special to her, with a little hop skip and a jump and her hands clapped together and eyes all squinted with her smile!

And so then I start to dream about her future and that maybe she would like to work with animals and maybe we should foster that in her and give her opportunities for it and see where it leads. Like kids I knew growing up who would volunteer at the zoo. I really really really hope we can get a dog some day. I think Andrew will come around eventually. A dog and a turtle. And if only we lived near a farm and could take care of baby lambs and little piglets too!