Rest

Two rest moments.

1. After a long morning of doing those forgettable-yet-time-consuming-and-energy-sucking-things moms do in the mornings (and some other extra things, like making pumpkin bread for fall- one handed, mind you) all while also struggling with an upset baby, I was needing a break of some kind- ANY KIND.  I went to check on Eli (who had finally let me put him down, pacifier, blanket, and a window to look out of) and then was planning on going and getting some other things done if he was still chilling.  Instead I found myself laying down on the floor next to him in the fort.  For a long time.  We just looked out the window together at the tree in the backyard with brown leaves starting to flutter away and the big fluffy clouds in the sky with his arm reached out resting on me.  I've realized that's a way little Eli shows his love.  If I'm close enough his tiny arm will be extended as far as it can, reaching for any part of me he can find.  He'll just look around the room or whatever, going on with life, leaving his little fist resting on my arm or my stomach or even my cheek sometimes.  It's super cute.  And calm and peaceful, to have just been hanging out like that today.  I needed it.

Eventually the girls found us.  We all hung out in the fort for a bit and soon I was up again and going going going for another few hours.

2.  Later inventorying some fabric for possible Halloween costume ideas in my room while the kids watched Bambi on my bed...turned into me laying down in the middle of it all.  Literally.  Surrounded by kids and fabric and pillows, there was not an inch to spare on that bed, and I was even scrunched up as it was (don't worry though, all newborn babies present were totally safe and far from the pillows and fabric).  Again laying next to my Eli, another one of his nice calm arm-extended moments of the day.  I was able to lay there, under another window with big fluffy clouds in the sky, and I was able to rest and daydream, worry and think and ponder for a little while.  A rare quiet moment alone even though I was surrounded by a that bit of chaos.  

I'm so grateful for windows, big beautiful windows.  I think life would really be terrible without them.  In both of these moments the windows were probably the biggest part of the peacefulness for me.

(I'm also grateful for TV. #MOMLIFE)

Such very very very small and simple things make all the very very very hard stuff so very very very worth it.