That's motherhood

Today a few of us are having bit of a hard time.  Two sick kids, (Audrey and Eli) and me trying to pretend I'm not catching it too even though I feel achy and tired and stuffed up.  Gotta just keep going.  That's motherhood.

But.  I need a break.  So bad.  Just now I thought, "I need to do something."   I was up in their room day-dreaming about what I would do if I did have a nice long break.  I have a new Audrey Hepburn book I'd love to just lay in my bed and read.  I have several half done paintings I'd love to get back to.  I'd love to go shopping and find a new pea coat.  I'd like to continue decorating their room and sewing our fall pillowcases, and I want to blog about our camping day trip a few weekends ago.  I have errands to run and lists of things to do.  There's never enough time, even when we're not sick!  But there's one thing I'd rather do more than anything else.  So since I can't do it I will write about it and feel peace from it in my day dreams.

Right now more than anything else I'd like to take my kids to the beach.  Sharp Park Beach, so close to my parent's house.  I'd love to sit with Eli in my arms, us just watching the ocean while the girls play in the sand.  You see, it's perfect because it'd be a break for me of sorts but still with my kids.  It'd be them exploring, it'd be Eli learning something new about his world, and it'd be me sitting peacefully with my little man of few words.

I feel really tired and drained.  

Again, THAT'S MOTHERHOOD.

I listened to a talk by Elder Holland today where he said, "Through these years mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life."  It's true, personal renewal is what I wish for every day.  I miss it.  

He also quoted, "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven."  Reminded me that it won't be like this for long.  I won't be sleep deprived forever, I won't be asked for 10 different things in 10 seconds every day of my life, I won't be living in this colorful mess of a house forever.  

BUT 

I also won't be hugging my emotional four year old Audrey after her time-out hearing her say, "I love you so much Mommy" through her tears.  

I won't be tickling my two year old Hannah up the stairs or hearing the faint slapping of her feet on the tile as she comes to 'visit' me in the kitchen while everyone else is watching a movie as I make dinner.  Just because she "wants to see her mommy."  

I won't have the loveliness of mandatory snuggling sessions with this three month old baby boy Eli every few hours of every day.

So

I can live without that personal renewal for these few short years.  It's worth it.  VERY worth it.  To not have their beautiful childhood pass me by.

Because that's motherhood.

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