Personal hard time update

A lengthy little update about my recent personal hard time post on here.
I have been feeling significantly better lately, emotionally.  Physically, it's all kind of the same, with a few more fun pregnancy things being added all the time.  But recently I've discovered a few things about my emotional state.

The things that seemed to be behind my 'depression' were/are (when I let it get to me):

• dwelling on the state of our messy house
• having a REALLY hard time feeding both me and Audrey consistently (the eating healthy goal has gone out the window for the duration of the pregnancy…which is ironic because this is the time when it's most important.  The doctors reassure me not to worry about that and just focus on keeping food- any food- in my stomach always.  But it hasn't been as easy as it sounds.)
• spending too much time 'not wanting to bother someone.'  Feeling the need to deal with all of this myself, and not 'air my dirty laundry' to people outside my family.  Feeling insecure about asking people to hang out too often in case they're busy or sick of me.

Mind over matter is what I have to remember with many of these things.  Finding ways to cope and function and REMEMBERING them and sticking with them consistently.

The things that have helped most with the possible 'pre-partum depression' issue are:

• weather-  this is kind of a sad one I think because it's not something I can control.  I'm one of those few people in the world who prefers winter over summer.  Yes…OVER summer.  It's not just that I welcome it when I'm sick of the heat…I'm just always sick of the heat.  I don't do well in it at all, I feel much less functional.  It got cold really abruptly here in Provo this year and ever since I have been feeling sooooo happy.  Audrey and I may be getting outside a little too often lately and I really need to pay more attention to her little rudolph red nose.  
• social interaction-  I have friends and I need to remember that.  The way I need to remember it is to put myself out there, plan things, and give myself some company.  One of the main things about this is that it helps me pass the time more easily till Andrew gets home.  If I am spending all day every day trying to keep up on housework and not letting myself do anything 'fun' until the house is spotless…well then I find myself in the sad place I was in those few weeks ago.  I'm very blessed to be surrounded by girls here who are dealing with a lot of the same things I am…but I don't ever realize it until I open up to them about what I'm going through.  There are kindred spirits to be found anywhere.
• exercise- Yoga and walking.  Nothing more than that.  It's not major, but it's taught me that endorphins are definitely a real thing.  It all started when my friend Hillary (who is also pregnant) invited me to go for a longer than I normally would walk with her one day.  That was kind of the big turning point in all this.  Coming home from that walk I had goals I wanted to set because I felt so good.

The goals are:

1. to be outside everyday (when reasonable, weather permitting)- I love being outside, I love nature, and I really miss walking to and from school everyday, having that mandatory outside time.  Audrey enjoys it so much too, so I want to do it for both of us.  Sunlight definitely makes such a difference in how a person feels, so I want to get back to being a family who spends a significant amount of time outside.
2. to build up stamina- regarding dizziness, heart rate, and just being able to handle more exercise little by little.  I have been avoiding long walks since being diagnosed with Menieres because there is a certain point where I get dizzy being outside.  I want to build up my ability to stay out longer and longer, especially so that hopefully post-pregnancy I can have relatively good exercise habits and be able to build from there.  I want my head and my body to be able to handle camping and hiking better- things I know my Andrew loves and has given up a little bit for my sake.

So, there you are if you're interested.  These are the answers I'm working with right now.  I talked to my doctor about how I was feeling, but these answers are suiting me so far and he said we will just watch it and see how I'm feeling month to month.  Food is still a battle, but we are all still alive so I guess that's something!  Since these good changes, I've actually also been suddenly much more capable with meal planning than I ever have been before.  I'm hoping it will all stick.  All of these things.  I know that Heavenly Father is helping me.