Real Love, Dreams, and Meaning It

It's about 1:30 am here and I can't sleep.  Sometimes I tend to keep myself awake as I try to find good things to dream about.  Last night I had a dream about Andrew twirling me around in a garden.  In the dream I looked like Judy Garland and Andrew looked like the guy who played Wild Bill Hickock in the Doris Day version of Calamity Jane.  Yes, really.  It was a strange dream, but I woke up feeling quite in love- with Andrew, don't worry.  You know how in a dream a person doesn't always look like themselves but you know it's them??  That's what it was this time.  In the dream there was no question in my mind that I was still me but I looked like Judy Garland.  Likewise Andrew was still Andrew but he looked like the Bill guy.  I guess this just proves that we are kindred spirits because we truly know each other's hearts!  Well, it's romantic to me anyway....
Anyway, this dream made me stay up tonight trying to force other similar dreams to fall asleep to.  First we were Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers twirling around on a dance floor.  Then we were Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday.  Ah, yes, I was a princess.  Then we were every Disney princess couple there is. 
This is why I am still up.  Because I was having way too much fun.  Imagining.  I've been watching Anne of Green Gables lately and I think her imagination has rubbed off on me.  I imagined every spin and every twirl, every ball gown and every romantic moment.  Gosh how I love movies. 

However, as romantic and fun each of these little dream sequences has been, I am happy that we are Andrew and Hillary and not any of these other people.  We've been through a lot lately.  And if Andrew wasn't Andrew I would be a complete Hillary.  Throughout some of the struggles we've had lately, mom has said to Andrew a few times, "I'm so glad she married you."  His parents recently have also expressed how glad they are that Andrew married me.  So many things lately have gotten us thinking about this marriage thing and what it really means.  In the early stages of our marriage we would say things to each other like "I'm so excited to go through life with you" or "I love the thought of growing old with you" or even "I can't wait to go through trials together."  We now are starting to realize the weight all those statements really carried.  And what our wedding vows really meant.

We're past the honeymoon stage, maybe not exactly newlyweds anymore, and we're finding out what it means to actually go through life together, trials and all.  As we talked about this, one thought kept returning to my mind over and over again.  "Good thing we meant it."  I guess because we're figuring out what "meaning it" means. 
When I think about these lovely movies at this point in life, they don't seem as romantic as they once did.  Because a dashing hero saving a damsel in distress doesn't symbolize real love to me anymore.  My grandma and grandpa taking care of each other does.  The only movie that might do this kind of love justice is Up.  Carl and Ellie Fredrickson.

So much has happened to Andrew and I recently.  We feel like we've lost a lot in the past two weeks.  It's all been sudden.  And very hard for us each individually. 

But we know that what we've been experiencing through it all is that real love.  And really realizing that we meant every word we said on our wedding day.  And also realizing that this is just the beginning.  We know we're going to go through sooo much more.  I always loved watching my Grandma and Grandpa being married because I thought they were just such a cute old couple together.  But now I realize how deeply they love each other.  They were married for 64 years before Grandpa passed away and through every trial their love grew.  64 years together.
 

Andrew and I have only been married for one year and two months and our love for each other has grown tenfold in just the last two weeks of trials.  I can't imagine the kind of love that comes after 64 years.  It's like that Brad Paisley song "Then."  I may think that Andrew and I love each other now...but I'm pretty sure that I have no idea how much we will love each other someday.

"I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later, in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around, but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I could just see you, with a baby on the way
And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then"

I'm grateful for the examples of real live, real love I've had in my life.  Grandma and Grandpa, Mom and Dad, Julia and Lester, Bonnie and EJ, Natalie and Ray, my aunts and uncles on both sides, and so many of my church leaders that I have and haven't met.  I still enjoy my fairytales and romantic movies.  But as Forrest Gump said to Jenny, "I may not be a smart person.  But I know what love is."  Now, that is.  I know what love is now.  Love is a life together.  Like Tevye and Golde from Fiddler on the Roof, "Do I love him?  For twenty-five years I've lived with him, fought him, starved with him, twenty-five years my bed is his, if that's not love, what is?"

If this is not love, what is?