"I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light." --Helen Keller

Right now, being away from family and all, I am very grateful for good friends.  I've had some simple but sweet moments with friends that have really lifted my spirits lately.  I'll be forever grateful to Heavenly Father for the girl friends I've found here.  Sometimes you just need some girl time.  Even if our friendships are someday reduced to little more than Christmas cards, I'm so glad that they are in my life right now.

My friend Kelsey and I both had grandparents die within a few days of each other.  Her adorable Japanese Grandmother that I had heard so much about, and my dear wonderful Grandpa, who's always been a part of my life.  God really does seem to work in mysterious ways because the fact that this happened to both of us at the same time has given us the chance to become closer.  Andrew and I hung out with Kelsey and Jordan a few nights ago and us girls went on a walk together.  It was just the two of us and we talked about our relationships with these grandparents and how much they meant to us.  We were both past the crying stages, so we were able to talk happily and lovingly about them.  I'm just so grateful for her and that time we spent together talking.  Heavenly Father truly does put people in my life that make me feel just plain happy, even when talking about something that could be sad.   

Our bishop's wife here in Provo was another God-send for me.  I haven't interacted with her very much in the year we've been here, but just one conversation with her helped me continue to heal from the miscarriage emotionally.  When I saw her coming towards me the first day we were back at church I started tearing up immediately.  Maybe it's because I miss my mom so much, but a motherly hug from her, this woman I barely know, was something I didn't realize I needed.  I tried hard not to let the tears actually fall as she talked to me, but feeling her care for me just...I don't know...made me feel really emotional.  Because through this whole experience I've told myself that I need to be an adult about it in public and then I could have my own breakdowns with no one but Andrew in the privacy of our home.  But my mom has always been the other person I would break down to.  After a hard day of keeping it together at school, when I'd get home to her it would all break loose.  Mom is like an emotional trigger for me.  The sight of her or hearing her voice makes me suddenly not want to be an adult anymore.  And so sitting with our bishop's wife in the middle of the chapel after sacrament meeting I felt the same way as the waters broke loose.  I didn't want to be an adult about it anymore, I just wanted to cry and be hugged.  You wouldn't have thought so to look at me, but his really was one of many healing moments for me.  Anyone that knows me well knows that I welcome emotions.  I'm so grateful for this woman.  Sometimes I don't even remember her name, but I'll always remember that moment.

Moena is another good friend I've made since being here.  Today was the first time we had seen each other since before the miscarriage, grandpa, and everything else that had happened to us.  When she came and hugged me so tight I instantly just felt happy.  I think it especially made me feel good because instead of the usual mingling after sacrament meeting with the people sitting near you, she made a bee-line for me to give me a hug and to talk.  We talked again after church and she asked me questions about everything and it was just nice to feel like she cared.  I know it's strange, but sometimes I do want to talk about it all.  I want people to care.  Maybe I'm still just as attention seeking as I was when I was four years old.  Moena looked at me the entire time I talked, made eye contact and listened intently.  I appreciate that she didn't act awkward and didn't pretend like it didn't happen.  We made plans to hang out sometime soon and I left church just feeling so good.  

I'm always so amazed at how uplifting such simple experiences can be.  A listening ear, a mother's love, genuine concern, and a talk with someone who just knows how you feel.  There are many other ways and many other people who have helped us through these experiences.  Within two weeks our life has drastically changed from what we thought it would be.  I've always known I could turn to my family and I've always known about how wonderful service in the church is.  I guess being on the receiving end of it though, in a place that I never expected to love is what's getting to me now and bringing those emotions up again.  We've been helped temporally and spiritually by so many people.  I just hope that I make people feel as good about themselves and about life as these girls have made me feel.  

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