My friend Shay

I’ve been needing to get some feelings down for awhile now.  They might be jumbled and a bit unorganized.  It’s a hard thing to think about sometimes, but there are some important things that I need to remember from it so I want to write it down here.  Earlier this year one of my good friends and college roommates passed away in a car accident.  Her name was Shaylene Reaves and she was wonderful.  That one word doesn’t do her justice, but I don’t think any words could. 

We haven’t stayed in touch very well over the last few years, because of distance and life just moving on.  Even so, I hope she knew that she was one of the friends in college I always felt closest too.  It wasn’t a closeness that had to do with confiding secrets or having deep personal discussions about the details of our lives.  It was a quiet sit-next-to-each-other-on-the-couch-and-watch-the-snow-fall kind of closeness.  I always felt I could be completely myself with Shay.  We could talk about things.  Or we could just sit.  There are not many people I can do that with.

The news of her passing was a complete shock.  I never thought I would get this news ever.  It’s caused a lot of tears and a lot of reflection…on her and the friendship we had, as well as a lot of reflection on the life I’m living now.  I’ve always admired Shay for many things.  Her quietness…her being herself…her love of the gospel.  But hearing of her passing made it all much more than just admiring her.  She is suddenly this life inspiration for me that I wish I had noticed before.  And I think one reason it is a stronger admiration now is because of how well she lived her life and in what good standing I believe she left this earth.  I don’t know if that makes sense.  I think that everyone she knew on earth could only ever say good things about her, and Heavenly Father is probably nothing but proud of her.  For some reason Shay’s reunion with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ…I just think it’s sweeter to picture than even my own someday.  Because she was so guileless, so sweet, so innocent, so happy, and so determined in good things.  In the gospel.  In choosing the right.  In reading her scriptures.  She was always such a calming influence, and yet still so fun.  Through worldly eyes maybe she didn’t accomplish much in this life.  But looking through heaven’s eyes she’s been more successful than many people we deem successful here on earth.  Because of the way she lived, the way she acted, the way she talked, the good friend and sister she was.  Being always happy with herself and her life.

I heard the news when I was still pregnant with Audrey and I had recently expressed some of the insecurities I had about becoming a mother.  I was feeling insecure about how my children will view me and my life when they are older.  I keep thinking that they will be unimpressed that I didn’t go further in school before having kids and view me as less successful.  Sometimes I still worry about these things.  But in thinking about Shay after I heard the news, I realized one of the truths about success….that it’s in the life you lead, the person you are, not the accomplishments under your belt.  I’ve heard that plenty of times before but for some reason because of Shay it rings truer right now than ever before. 

So.  What I need to take from this is a determination to be better.  To live a better life.  A more optimistic one, like Shay.  As I was thinking about her and trying to find some comfort about it I came across her Twitter account and I just started reading.  And I realized that all the internet posts she put up in the days leading up to her death were all about something to do with church and/or how she was having a great day.  Everyday she posted something about that. 

3/19/13- It’s a beautiful day!

3/3/13- “watching the CES devotional with Elder Bednar”

2/28/13- “I’m having a great day!”

2/15- “God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been, as he does about where you are and where you are willing to go.  Elder Holland”

2/15- Having a great day so far!”

2/14-  “Often we assume others must know how much we love them.  But we should never assume; we should let them know.  Pres. Monson.”

1/7-  “don’t try to be perfect, just be you.  Perfectly imperfect.  And most importantly have fun being you!”

12/4/12-  “got on the wrong bus today!”

11/23- “behind every gray cloud is a blue sky!!”

10/15-  “once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results- willie nelson.”

8/23-  “today is looking good.”

8/8-  “To live greatly, we must develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility.  Pres Monson.”

8/6-  “Smile, it makes the world a better place!”

8/6-  “Life is a bout learning how to deal with the ups and downs.”

7/24-  “I just saw for the first time raccoons!”

7/23-  “I have been blessed in so many ways through out my life!”

7/16-  “today is going slow J”

7/16-  “raining this morning!!”

7/12-  “Be yourself, no one can compete with that.”

4/14-  “It’s always great when people don’t want you to go.”

4/12-  “Having a great hair day!!”

2/9/12--- The Giants Won!!

12/11/11-  “Losing our way is easy if our daily decisions don’t connect to our eternal destination.”

11/28/11-  “It’s always wonderful to get a compliment from others, but not knowing what to say afterwards is awkward.”

Hot chocolate with cinnamon is perfect for a cold day.

You can know for yourself that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.

Made a tie dye shirt…it turned out really cool.

I can count on my family to be there for me

“truth is, it’s better to be a good nobody than an evil somebody!” – igor

So, here is the point…I went almost three years back through her twitter account and could only find about 4 things that were not positive or optimistic or funny.  And there were far more of those good ones than what I copied down on here.  I want to be like that.  Shay has been one of the reasons behind this newfound desire I have to post things about faith and happiness on here.  She was a truly wonderful person and I love and admire her still.  I’m so very, very grateful to have had her in my life for the short time we were together. 

this is our temporary home, it's not where we belong

windows and rooms that we're passing through

this is just a stop on the way to where we're going

I'm not afraid because I know 

this is our temporary home 

"...the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ."

Mosiah 16:8