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I've been blessed to have a job these past few months...but I have to say I'm very much looking forward to quitting. I've been grappling with the decision of when to quit. I've been so miserable working at Subway. I've finally been able to get past the lack of prestige and not wanting to admit where I work, because I do know I'm doing honest work. Most of my co-workers are pretty nice, but for some reason each shift still just runs me into the ground. It's hard to come home after a day like that to hours of homework and dishes to do. I know that this is something that will be a part of my life forever more, with kids added to the mix, and I should probably just get used to a never ending schedule. Right now though, I'm not used to it and usually when I come home I want to watch a movie or get on pinterest. Not do more work. Andrew and I talked about me quitting at the end of April, but then in my miserable-ness we talked about me quitting just as soon as financial aid comes.
Financial aid has now come...and I can't decide what to do. I keep going back and forth about it. Yes, I'm having a hard time working there and balancing school, but can't I just hang in there till April? I think I'll feel quite a sense of accomplishment if I do. But on the other side, is it worth me being miserable and stressed out for another 2 months? I just don't know. I never realized how hard it would be to weigh my priorities once I got married. When I was single, I would quit a job the moment I stopped having fun with it. Now, my life is no longer all about me. It's important for both of us to make money whereever and whenever we can. Andrew tries hard to do his website maintanence job around his crazy school schedule.
SO which is more important right now, my emotional well-being or doing a little bit more to secure our future? It really is a hard question for me. The answer may be obvious to some, but I just don't know what I feel is more important. I want to suck it up! I really do. I've felt pretty proud of myself for sticking things out in the past. I've take pride in the fact that I walk everywhere- work, school, grocery stores. At one point when I lived in Salt Lake I would leave my apartment 2 hours early to walk the few miles to get to class on time. And I always made it! That really made me feel good about myself. I've never been the best student, never been the brightest in math or science, never had very good study skills, never been the fastest at anything, but something I do have is endurance skills.
That's why this whole quitting decision is hard. Because enduring through hard things has been something I've felt like I was good at. So the thought of quitting earlier than planned makes me feel like I'm taking a step down from these endurance skills I've worked so hard to develop in myself. Why does this one thing seem too hard?
One of the things I appreciate most about my parents is that phrase about doing 'your best'. They always encouraged me to do my very best and then be content with the result- because they would be proud of me no matter if my best was an A or a C+. So I guess now what I'm trying to determine is, have I done my best here? If I quit will I be disappointed in myself or will I feel immediate relief and emotional stability return to my life? I know being I'm dramatic about all of this. I'm kind of determined to stay till April. I just wonder if by that time I'll be happy with my accomplishment, or upset because my grades and emotions suffered as a result.
Any thoughts or advice out there?
(By the way, Andrew usually does most of the housework these days. I don't want anybody to think he leaves it all to me. As I type this he's making dinner :))
Financial aid has now come...and I can't decide what to do. I keep going back and forth about it. Yes, I'm having a hard time working there and balancing school, but can't I just hang in there till April? I think I'll feel quite a sense of accomplishment if I do. But on the other side, is it worth me being miserable and stressed out for another 2 months? I just don't know. I never realized how hard it would be to weigh my priorities once I got married. When I was single, I would quit a job the moment I stopped having fun with it. Now, my life is no longer all about me. It's important for both of us to make money whereever and whenever we can. Andrew tries hard to do his website maintanence job around his crazy school schedule.
SO which is more important right now, my emotional well-being or doing a little bit more to secure our future? It really is a hard question for me. The answer may be obvious to some, but I just don't know what I feel is more important. I want to suck it up! I really do. I've felt pretty proud of myself for sticking things out in the past. I've take pride in the fact that I walk everywhere- work, school, grocery stores. At one point when I lived in Salt Lake I would leave my apartment 2 hours early to walk the few miles to get to class on time. And I always made it! That really made me feel good about myself. I've never been the best student, never been the brightest in math or science, never had very good study skills, never been the fastest at anything, but something I do have is endurance skills.
That's why this whole quitting decision is hard. Because enduring through hard things has been something I've felt like I was good at. So the thought of quitting earlier than planned makes me feel like I'm taking a step down from these endurance skills I've worked so hard to develop in myself. Why does this one thing seem too hard?
One of the things I appreciate most about my parents is that phrase about doing 'your best'. They always encouraged me to do my very best and then be content with the result- because they would be proud of me no matter if my best was an A or a C+. So I guess now what I'm trying to determine is, have I done my best here? If I quit will I be disappointed in myself or will I feel immediate relief and emotional stability return to my life? I know being I'm dramatic about all of this. I'm kind of determined to stay till April. I just wonder if by that time I'll be happy with my accomplishment, or upset because my grades and emotions suffered as a result.
Any thoughts or advice out there?
(By the way, Andrew usually does most of the housework these days. I don't want anybody to think he leaves it all to me. As I type this he's making dinner :))
2 comments:
Well, I'm really not sure what to advise. I've been in the same situation at different times in my life. Most times - from jobs I've had as a single young adult to jobs I've had as a wife and mother - I was able to stick with any job, whether I liked it or not. I've always felt that incentives, or bribery, or having something to look forward to has helped me stick with it. But there have been 2 times in my life now that I just could not continue in a job, and I quit. It didn't make sense, and I doubted myself for it, but I just could not go on. The first time (remember the Ricky babysitting job) there was no reason for me to have a problem with it, but the moment I made the decision to quit (after consulting with Dad of course)I felt such a sense of relief and I knew it was the right thing. To this day I still don't know what was different about that job - since I have done daycare for many kids before and after - and maybe I'll never know, but I know I made the right decision. On the other side, I am coming on the one year anniversary of my current job. I weighed all the pros and cons before I accepted this job. At one point I thought it would not work out because of scheduling conflicts with Luke's school, and when I decided not to accept the job I had a terrible feeling - I just couldn't let it go. Then when I was able to work things out and accept the job I was scared to death, but I felt better. I guess its like that scripture that says you will have peace if you are making the right decision - even though it may be hard in some ways - or you will have a "stupor of thought" if you are making the wrong decision. I think the feeling of "just not being able to let it go" - either way - is the stupor of thought it was referring to. So - keep praying, keep consulting with Andrew, and keep listening to the spirit. Good luck and I love you!
I think you already know the answer, it's just something you don't want to do. If your grades are going bad because of work I think you should quit. School is more important! But, if You quit that means you need to put all that extra time to getting better grades. What ever the both of you decide it will be what's best for your family. Love You!
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